Now I obviously know that autism isn’t an excuse for doing bad things. But, honestly I suspect that he has another mental illness that makes him act this way. But he claims that he is the way he is because of his autism. I don’t want to diagnose him cause I also could be wrong.

Anywho, I’ve been friends with him for about five years now, since my sophomore year of high school. He seemed like a pretty chill and nice guy. But when we were first becoming friends he told me that two of his past friend groups had just kicked him out. I didn’t think much of it at the time but now looking back it makes me wonder.

I care about him a lot but sometimes spending time with him feels draining. I’ll say a few stories that have really bugged me. The first one isn’t as bad as the other two but yeah. My love language is gift giving so over the years I’ve given him lots of either handmade or bought gifts. All of which I’ve put a lot of thought into. For example last year I bought him a cameo from one of his favorite voice actors from a video game, which cost me over a hundred dollars. (I work minimum wage). But he had hinted that he wanted it. He appreciated it and I was happy. However for all of my birthdays he’s never gotten me anything aside from last year and this year. Last year he got me a magnet with a pun with my name on it. And this year he got me an arcane shirt which I appreciate. But like me he’s also an artist. He could have made me something and I would’ve loved it. But I told myself that maybe gift giving just isn’t his love language. But then it got me thinking on what his love language actually IS. I tried to think of one thing had done for me to show his appreciation for me and I couldn’t really think of much. I would maybe say that touch is, we used to cuddle at sleepovers. But due to something I’d rather not mention (doesn’t involve him) I told him that I was no longer comfortable cuddling with anyone. And he became almost annoyed saying ‘we’ve cuddled a bunch of times so I don’t know why you suddenly don’t want to’. And kept asking me about it or trying to compromise with me even though I said no. I’m not his dating preference in terms of gender, so just so you know it wasn’t about that.

The next thing that made me upset was the time we went to a comic con-ish event. We bought the all three days tickets. And I know that being with the same person for three days straight in a crowded loud place is stressful. But I felt like he sort of ruined my time. The second day I bought us dinner at Panda Express. I wanted to buy the big plate for us to share that came with could come with two sides and two entrees for us to share which me and my mom usually did. But he said he wanted his own bowl in case he was still hungry. I was tired and hungry so this annoyed me a bit. But I shook it off and got us both our own bowls. Turns out I forgot to remove the bigger plate from my cart and bought all three items. Again I brushed it off and said “hey, at least we’ll have dinner for tommorow’ and he said no, it has mushrooms in it, I don’t eat mushrooms.

I understand that he doesn’t like mushrooms but I would’ve taken them out myself if he had asked me. But anywho, it’s the end of the final day at the con and I’m really trying to find some red dead redemption 2 merch. I get super excited when I finally find it and start making a big fuss about it. I look back at him and see him very quiet and looking annoyed. I ask him if he’s alright and he says he’s upset that he hasn’t found anything he really likes yet (which wasn’t true at all). They announce that the con will be closing very soon so I quickly buy the rdr2 poster and another thing I wanted as quickly as possible. I put enjoying the con on the back burner and begin hunting with him for something he was looking for. We’re down to the last ten minutes and he’s given up hope but I drag him to something I know he wasn’t looking for specifically but it was a stand with merch I know he was eyeing. He gets it and we leave. I’m really hoping that he’s satisfied now but he looks like he still looked annoyed. And I just felt frustrated. I went through all that effort and he didn’t even say thank you or acknowledge it.

I confronted him about it later asking him he had a good time and he said he had a great time. so why was I worrying about that the whole three days?! The last instance was the time we went on a school trip to universal studios. We stopped at the Warner brothers museum or whatever it’s called and walked through the exhibits. He and the rest of the group got a bit ahead so me and another friend stayed behind and were buying these cool pictures that they would take of you in front of a green screen. I got a text from ‘him’ asking me ‘where are you???’ And I ignored it because we were done paying and about to see him in maybe a minute. So we left and met back up with everyone else and he angrily asked ‘why didn’t you respond to my text?’. And my other friend (let’s call him Jeremy) comes to my defense and explains that we were already headed towards them.

I already knew he didn’t like Jeremy and so he starts going at him. Saying that I still should have texted him. And so I’m finally fed up and jump in, I’ve never argued with him before. And I say to cut it out and that he’s being ridiculous. He is pissed at this. And so we go on this tour ride and I’m nearly crying about everything. I decide that I want to make up and so I go to him and ask to sit next to him. He looks like he’s about to start crying to and says ‘I don’t want to sit next to YOU’. To which I actually start crying. We end the ride and are in the gift shop and I come up to him again, I apologize and we talk through things. And so I coach him on how to apologize and then basically bounce between him and the group carrying messages until he finally talks to them face to face and makes amends. And it makes me wonder how long it would’ve taken him to apologize if I wasn’t there.

But like I said, little things make him upset and he has a big sense of justice. It makes me upset at the things he does sometimes but I feel like he has trouble trying to express himself.