My newlywed wife (29F) and I (40M) visited a megachurch. We ran into some of my relatives by happenstance. I introduced my wife to my cousin, my cousin's daughter (my second cousin, 20F), and her daughter's boyfriend. We had some small talk and went on our way.

My wife and I started walking back and having a friendly recap of the interaction. She then said that my younger cousin (20F) looked like she was on the spectrum. Pics would do wonders, but having full cheeks runs in my family and it can cause us to look younger. My cousin had a hoodie on and I think she was in shock to see me because I don't attend that church. When she saw me, she was smiling and saying hello in a bright eyed manner.

When my wife made the comment, I got offended because I took it to mean that she was funny looking or looked like something was wrong with her. I'm trying to communicate better, so I politely told my wife that I was offended by that. I went on to explain that my cousin and her twin sister are both sophomores in college and doing very well academically and socially.

My wife explained that my cousin looked young and sweet and that she just thought that based on how she was smiling and goggly eyed towards us. I went onto reiterate that she's a normal college kid with no issues (that I am aware of) and she has a boyfriend.

That's when my wife said, "SHE has a boyfriend?" I responded, "Yes, she has a boyfriend. You just met him. What's so hard to believe about that? What's wrong with her having a boyfriend?" Understandably, after the comment about the spectrum, I assumed this was directly related to her comment about the spectrum. However, she claims that she meant my cousin looked so sweet and innocent that she seemed too young to have a bf.

There's a lot more, but this blew up into an entire argument about if being on the spectrum is undesirable or not. She pointed out that Elon Musk is on the spectrum and plenty of people on the spectrum have amazing talents and do well in school. At 40 years old, all this "on the spectrum" talk didn't exist when I was growing up, so perhaps I need to be educated.

AITAH for getting offended that my wife said my cousin looks like she's on the spectrum when she isn't?