Background: I'm a single mom by choice to two kids, 5f and 2m. The plan was never to stay in my childhood home with my parents, but my dad passed suddenly less than 3 months after my oldest was born, leaving my mom alone. Then COVID happened etc. My mom's health has also been poor so I've taken care of her quite a bit as well.

We still live together, she pays majority of the "shared" bills (mortgage, electric, water etc) . However, I've been updating/remodeling the house, do the cooking, do the cleaning, mowing etc. I also pay my own bills and for my kids necessities and my own.

I don't drop my kids on her. She babysits them less than she babysits my niece and nephew. I say this because I have a family member who is basically making her grandmother raise her kids and it's wild to me.

Anyway, tonight my daughter was upset because after her bath I said she could have a toy from our surprise basket (mostly using for my son potty training) if she would let me cut her nails.

This has been an ongoing battle for years. She hates her nails being cut and I can't even do it in her sleep anymore. She gets so worked up and screams and cries (if anyone has advice for this please help)

Anyway, at first she said yes and was happy. So I got the clippers and she decided she wasn't going to let me do it. I told her that was fine and got up to get the little one ready for bed instead.

She started whining she wanted the surprise still. I calmly explained that she wasn't going to get it because the deal was she would let me cut her nails.

This turned into a full on meltdown. So I tried to explain again and then just went to get the toddler ready for bed before I came back to her and had her finish getting ready for bed. She continued the meltdown through all of this.

As we were about to go upstairs she hit me with her tablet, so that was taken away and I carried her up to her room and put her on her bed.

At this point I just needed a minute to gather myself. So I shut her bedroom door and held it shut to give us both space for a few minutes before approaching the situation again.

Well my mom comes storming upstairs and starts screaming at her. Obviously this didn't help with me trying to regulate myself or with her. I simply put my hand up to stop her and said "I am the parent" and suddenly I was being screamed at and being told how she is sick of this happening at night and she's going to move and sell the house. (Which I don't even understand because my kids rarely have this level of a meltdown. They truly are great kids, but they are still little kids...)

I said "fine, do that then" and she went back downstairs.

Of course the kids heard all of this and now my daughter is still crying about it 3 hours later, saying she doesn't want to move and she loves her house and "I want to be a family"

I'm so annoyed because had my mom not gotten involved then after a minute or two more my daughter would have calmed and been fine and she wouldn't now still be upset.

AITAH? What could I have done different/better if I am?