Hi Reddit! I'm a 25f and I live with two flatmates who are both 23M.

I like to think I'm a relatively good flatmate, apart from a few occasions when I've had a friend or two round and we've been a bit loud. But I've found workarounds to make sure that doesn't happen anymore because I don't want to upset anyone in the house.

One of my flatmates is my ex of almost 5 years, let's call him Drew, and we've been separated for coming up to two years now, later this year. A lot of people will think we're insane for still living together, but after a few months of being separated, we became super close friends, and everything has been fine! Plus, living with another person also helps.

Around 8-10 months after we broke up, I started seeing people again. I wanted to sooner, but I thought it would be too soon for Drew and decided against it. (I broke up with him.) I was just casually dating people, not wanting anything serious, so I would occasionally bring the person I was dating at the time over. It would not be often! Around once to twice a month. And the majority of the time, I would text my ex letting him know I was bringing someone over so he could either leave (if he wanted to, ofc) or get in the right headspace for it and be prepared. The only times I didn't do this were when it was past midnight, and it was a spur-of-the-moment thing. Which only happened like 3 times in the span from June to February in the past year. So not a lot at all.

THROUGHOUT this experience, I've updated him and even asked Drew if it's okay for the person I'm seeing to come over whilst he's home because I know it was a sensitive topic for him. Most of the time, he said no and was angry with me, which upset me as I thought I was doing the right thing by preparing him for the encounter. But no, he would get upset with me whenever I brought someone over or even asked. A few times I asked him, and he would just read my messages, and he said, ok, so those were the times I brought someone over. But he would be off with me the next day, which is to be expected.

I never let the person I was seeing outside of my room (unless they needed to go to the bathroom or anything), so that Drew could roam the house freely and not be bothered by it. Whenever I would have sex, I would try to be as quiet as possible so he couldn't hear as well.

One thing that annoyed me was how demanding he would get when I'd say I wanted to bring someone over, and let him know, his attitude towards me. Even when it had been a year after the break-up (at this point we were both going on dates with people), he would get upset and tell me no and say Why can't you go to their house instead. Which was a fair point, but the person I was seeing at that point was staying at his aunt's house with their family (at least 6 family members), and it was just not practical. (This is not to say I haven't stayed at someone's house who lives with their parents, etc, as during this time I did do that multiple times with someone else I was seeing). So this is the main reason why I hardly brought any of the guys I was seeing over. Honestly, less than 20 times in the space of a year. Although I was upset about it, I didn't want to upset Drew either.

But now Drew has started seeing a girl regularly and brings her over once or twice every week. At the start, I didn't care because I thought it was about time he got some (lol), and it didn't bother me. I even told him it's nice he's seeing someone. But it's every WEEKEND. And he would be angry at me when it was even once a month. I feel like I can't move around my house freely, and I can hear them having sex too, and the music they play at night to cover it up keeps me up! Not to mention, he doesn't even text me to let me know someone is over!

Look, I'm not upset he's seeing someone, it's just the blatant disrespect of the boundaries he gave to me when I was in the same situation! I hardly ever had someone round because of how it affected him. But he knows I don't like people staying at the house because I get anxious and can't leave my room without worrying about a social interaction starting up, even when it's just a friend of Drew's who's over.

To settle this issue, I asked him last week if he could only have the person he's seeing round once every two weeks, or, like he proposed to me before, go to their house instead, so you can split up the time more. As I didn't want to stop him from seeing her, I just wanted to apply similar but more lenient guidelines for him, too. Also also asked him if he could let me know so I can prepare myself. He agreed to what I said, and I thought that was the end of it, and I could enjoy my following weekend not having to worry if I would bump into Drew's date. But yesterday she was here again! It's not even been a week. Im pissed! I can hear the cheeks clapping through the walls, and I can't sleep. He didn't even let me know she was coming.

It's the morning now, and they're out, and I haven't seen him yet. But I know when I do, I'm going to have a word with him about how he is being unfair to my boundaries when I tried to make him as comfortable as possible when it was the other way around.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable here? I just want him to treat me how he wanted to be treated when he was in my shoes, and he said he would and just brought her around again! I talked to my other flatmate about it, and he wanted to pull a small prank on her, lol, but I have no issue with her; my issue is with Drew.

I know I'm going to get comments saying "just move out" or "why do you still live together", but other than this issue, we are 100% happy living together, we get on super well, and before you ask, no we have not done anything since we broke up.

All I wanted from this was for it not to happen every weekend. But he can't respect that.

So now I ask you reddit, Am I the asshole for being upset when not being given the same treatment?

Side note: I don't post to reddit very much so sorry if the formatting is bad!