Throwaway account

So this will be a long rent so just bear with me.

A little background first:

I (21F) have a oldest cousin (23F) which I'll cal M for convenience and a younger one (19F) - P. We have lived since we were little girls on the same property with our grandparents, my mother and me and my cousins and my uncle and aunt. My mom and uncle are siblings and my gparents are their parents.

So i have always consider my cousins as my sisters since we basically grew up together, but i have discovered in recent years that the feeling isn't mutual. It wasn't a specific event that distanced us, rather a multitude of small events that happened over time.

M and I were on the same middle and high school so we will usually walk together on a daily basis to school. In middle school we had like a retual in which we will discuss what were on our minds and what troubled us and we're over all close. But in high school, she will always want to walk faster than me and belittle me to walk faster until i had enough so i started to walk with my classmates and leave after she already left for school. And then they started over time to not come at my house to spend time together, I was always the one who came to their house until a summer where i decided to not go anymore to see what happens. In that summer we only met in the yard or at my grandparents house and that behavior continue then onward entering each other house when all the family will gather to eat together on holidays or when we will have guests coming over or if our gma tasks us to deliver something to each other house. That's it.

Over time we started to spend time with our friends from school and didn't spend time all three of us as a group as we usually do, but whenever we will gather we will always tell what bother us. Like those friends you see once a few months but you can pick up where you left off, you know?

In M last year of HS their parents divorced and my aunt and my cousins left, but we still talked. When M went to college she started to live her life in a wild way going to clubs and with boys frequently but of course i understand that. How didn't go wild in their college days, am I right? It's normal, especially since we were sheltered all our lives being girls and living in a country where religion is important (i am not from US). After the first year of collage M worked at a hotel as a receptionist during the summer. There she met the son of the owner of the hotel and she made it so that she could be in a relationship with him. My problem was that they have a huge difference in age, like around 10 years or so. In my opinion, guys like that will left you after your old and get another 20 something girl. And their relationship was strange. She left college for him and started to live with him and his family after only 3 month where she liked in the hotel anyway since she worked there in the first place. It's unbalanced and i personally wouldn't want a relationship like that. This and her cold attitude toward me made me not want to speak with her since I don't think our personalities align anymore. In that time i went to college and it was easier to do that since i didn't have to hear much about her form our family.

Well, this year M and her partner got married and i decided i didn't want to go to their wedding for the reasons above mentioned. Of course you will think that all my immediate family will jump on my head for this, but no. They were revolted at first, but they accepted it quickly which is odd especially my family is very controlling and i have to always do as i am said so. Now, M is pregnant and the same thing happened again for her future child's baptism. I should mention that i haven't spoken to M since when she called me after my grandma told me that M will get married and i expressed my feeling that i didn't want to go. She basically called me to ask to come over at her place in summer and i told her that i will not go since i believe that we have different characters now and we are in different phases of our lives and don't have something in common anymore. That was it. She didn't specifically invited me to attend her wedding or anything. If my grandma didn't said she will have her wedding in summer, i wouldn't have known. She didn't say anything specific and she also called me from a different number so I didn't know who's calling me and that's why I answered.

Now in the present day:

i have come home for Easter. We all gather for a BBQ and a my great aunt came over too. P - M sister- will come tomorrow. I have mentioned to my grandma that I don't want to interact with P when she will come over and that i prefer P to not come to my house that day. When our aunt was leaving my grandma defended P and M. She basically was saying that the reason for P not taking to any of us for 6 months was because my uncle is stressing her out with his narcissistic rants over the phone. I said that i understand not talking with him but she could at least talk with us, or just a message from time to time so that we know she was ok. I called P behavior callous and uncalled for since we wear family. All of us called out my uncle behavior and didn't let him behave like a narcissist whenever my cousins came over. The same thing happened with P as with M, after P went to college we stopped talking. I also should mention that all Three of us went to different cities for college.

After that, my grandmother started defending them and acting like they were miserable little children that were tormented their whole lives, which isn't true since we grew up together and my uncle isn't that bad. He has a victim mentality and is always sorry for himself, the same like my grandma, but he loves my cousins. He is a loveing father that did whatever he could for my aunt and his daughters. His behavior is narcissistic at times, but if you just ignore him when he is difficult he recovers and corect his behavior. And I don't try to make excuses for his behavior, we all call his behavior out. I can tell to his face to leave me alone when he is nagging me and he only gets upset for a moment but then he gets over it. It's not that serious. After that, me and my mom left with my aunt to a restaurant to catch up on our lives and i told her my side of things and reasons. Come to find out, my grandma made me look like i have a big grudge on P and M and that i am jealous for seme reason which is not true. After the conversation at our home, my grandma is not speaking with me. She doesn't want to say why though. So reddit, AITAH? I don't think i am, but let me know. I should also mentioned that it wasn't a big fight or anything between me and my grandma, we all just had a ordinary conversation.

Also, do you think my behavior with my cousins is justified and if you have any tips on how to approach thinks, let me know.