throwaway account because my boyfriend uses Reddit and is a pretty private guy, so he'd 100% see this as me airing out dirty laundry. Also posted on r/dating_advice (might be more relevant over there but i needed all the help i could get)

I'm 17F and this is my first relationship, and we've been together for a little over half a year. Our relationship revolved a lot around intimacy in the initial months, but after we didn't see each other consistently for almost 5 months (a mixture of exams, holidays away and his parents limiting us seeing each other) he asked for us to stop intimacy, which I complied with. However, we later spoke about it some more and he decided that he wanted us to be intimate again, but it's usually focused on me and this is where i'm growing concerns that he might be losing feelings, and now i'm not sure how i can get him to like me again. I grew up being kinda ugly and kinda weird, with very limited attention from guys (both platonic and otherwise), and my boyfriend, 16M who i'll refer to as D, was the first guy to show me any type of attention and was my first in every aspect, while i wasn't his. Although I think I'm not as ugly as I was before, I still have a lot of insecurity and that's leaking into the second problem I urgently need advice on.

D can be mean during arguments, and after an incident that resulted in his parents limiting a lot of our contact, we've gone through a rough patch of constantly arguing. This usually resolves around me asking him to call, talk, and just to see each other, however he usually declines and says that his parents won't allow him. This limites us a lot, but i feel like i'm the only one affected? He's told me that he prefers the limited communication, since I believe he doesn't need it as much, and when I try to talk to him about how it's affecting me he's told me that nothing will change, and I can either make peace with it or break up with him. But i don't know, I always just end up waiting by my phone with a stomach ache for him to get on his phone only to leave me on delivered even if I respond the moment he sends me something, and I'm getting the idea that this is making him more uninterested in me (decrease in compliments or him reaching out first) and that it's my fault and this is what a normal relationship is supposed to be like, i'm just overtly clingy.

I forgot to mention but he's very much out of my league looks-wise, and although it's very shallow to think like this, I truly believe that nobody would ever wish to date me if I was to break up with him, and it would be a huge mistake. Our relationship is otherwise normal, it's great in person and we have chemistry, although D isn't very open to changing his mind and this has caused issues, as I'm leaving for university next year (30 min away from him) and he's gotten quite insecure over this, but instead of asking for reassurance he just hasn't been communicating. This all came at a head the other day when he told me that he doesn't want to hear about me going out at all both this year and next year, and I shouldn't tell him because he isn't interested.

I've therefore thought of breaking up with him because it's been very unhealthy for me and I don't think either of us are happy, but that might be my fault for always being the one starting the argument. I also know that being avoidant isn't really a choice, but it's making me feel quite upset and I feel like breaking up would nonetheless take a burden off of me, but I'm very uncertain and therefore really need any advice.

TLDR: Very insecure in my first relationship and I don't know whether I should break up with D or not as he can be a bit immature/rude/avoidant (imo) but I might just be in the wrong entirely (too clingy) and i'd be fucking up a relationship.