I (37F) had been dating a woman (40F) for about 8 months. We met at a casino while I was celebrating my birthday, and she was really sweet to me. At the time, I was going through the end of a relationship with an abusive ex, and like many others, she helped me get through it. Not long after we met, she told me she had issues with her last apartment and nowhere to go. I told her she could stay for a few days, but made it clear I didn’t want anyone living with me. She kept saying she didn’t know anyone in this state since she had just moved here, and eventually I gave in and let her stay longer. She flirted, complimented me constantly, and even though I’d never been with a woman before, our connection grew and we ended up in a relationship. While things were mostly good in the beginning, she had a habit of snapping at me over the smallest things. I’m known to be very patient—I don’t like arguing and I try to communicate calmly—but this kept happening. For 8 months, I kept asking for the same thing: peace and respectful communication. I know she’s dealt with childhood trauma and that this behavior may be tied to that, but it was becoming emotionally draining for me. Some examples: I tried to relate to something she was upset about, saying I’d had a similar experience. She snapped and accused me of making it about me. When she had really bad cramps, I said I wasn’t sure how to help because I’ve never experienced that outside of labor. She said I was “gloating” about not having cramps—after I had offered meds, tea, heat, back rubs, etc. I asked her if she wanted Mexican food (I forgot she didn’t like it), and she blew up—even though she often asked me to try sushi, which I politely decline. Every argument was followed by days of silence, then apologies. She always said she was “trying to change.” I would accept her apology, but remind her I can’t handle this much conflict. I have anxiety and depression stemming from my own childhood trauma. I’ve worked incredibly hard since a major SA attempt in 2022 to rebuild my life. I don’t lash out, but I do internalize conflict, and I’m still working through that. Then there was the isolation. She’d get angry if anyone came over—friends or even family. She’d disappear to the bedroom or backyard, ignore people, or glare at them. When my nephews visited, she gave them dirty looks and pretended she had headphones in. She did this to everyone. Eventually, even my own family didn’t want to come to my house. She also had issues with me gaming online with my nephew—a coping tool I’ve used for 3 years. She’d say I was ignoring her, even though I often waited until she was asleep or not around. She resented me working 12-hour shifts (which I do by choice) and said I didn’t spend enough time with her. So I cut my hours, then some days didn’t go in at all. Still, it was never enough. Even when we were home together, we’d sit in the same room in silence. She demanded more physical affection—cuddling, staying in bed longer, more intimacy. And like an idiot, I gave her all of it. Everything she asked for, I tried. But I got nothing I needed in return. The only thing I ever asked for was peace. If that’s all I wanted, I guess I should’ve ended it sooner. We recently got back together after a 1.5-week break. Within two weeks, we had 7 arguments—including one where she got upset because I didn’t want to cuddle in bed. (I’m an early riser and like to start my day.) The final straw was racism. She vented about a coworker, and I agreed the coworker was wrong. She still got mad—because the coworker is Mexican. She hates Hispanic people. I knew this, and honestly, I should’ve ended it when I first learned that. I deeply regret not doing so, especially because my daughter (16F) is half Mexican. I asked her not to speak that way around us, and she stopped saying “hate”—but the attitude never changed. That day, she started using racial slurs while talking about her coworkers. I went silent and went to bed. The next morning, she was still venting and trying to get my attention. I stayed quiet. When I did say something—just something neutral—she snapped again. After three days of no contact, I made up my mind. I wrote her a letter saying it was over and she had until her next payday (the following Friday) to find somewhere to go. I even called her job to confirm her pay schedule, because I wanted to give her time and not leave her stranded. She pretended not to read the letter and forced me to say it to her face. When I did, she tried to argue, then apologized again, saying she could change. But after everything—especially the racism—I couldn’t justify staying. So… AITAH for breaking up with her and telling her she had to leave?