So I broke up with my girlfriend the morning after Valentines, but I wonder if I should have seen the signs much earlier. Buckle in because this will be very long, but it's all relevant, and I've cut out as much as I can. I promise you it is all utterly insane. It has become one of my favourite stories to tell because I still can't believe it happened. To give a bit of context:

My (now ex) gf (21f) and I (22f) were dating for about 2 months. Things were good at the start, but I was a bit on the fence, as we lived 2 hours apart, and she was a horrible texter. By this point we hadn’t seen each other in person since New Years, during which she had gotten embarrassingly drunk and had to be babysat the whole night. She'd also been too broke to go out drinking, which was my flatmates and I's plan, so had intended on just staying at my flat, alone, watching TV and drinking OUR alcohol (she barely knew my flatmates) at all. Which is such a weird thing to do? So I'd ended up just buying her drinks.

Now for Valentines, we decided to do it at mine again, and that I'd cook dinner and we'd watch a movie.

6pm: The day of, I clean, dress up nice, and quickly do my makeup before she arrives. I’m worried I'm underdressed, and that my gifts aren’t good enough. Turns out I didn’t need to worry because she hadn't dressed up at all. Which- fine, it's not like we're going out. I give her my gifts: a chocolate rose, a heart-shaped lollipop, and a box of chai, because she’d been craving it. She loves them, and says she's so sorry she hadn't had time to get me anything. Which, again, I get it, she’s broke. Then a few minutes later, she asks if I have a vape. (Afaik, she didn't vape). I say no. So she declares that she'll go get one. "Because it's valentines, I'll get two, why not" (How fucking romantic). She asks my favourite flavour. Pineapple Ice. I joke that this is a hilarious Valentines Gift, but I'll take it. Except she returns with her favourite, and says "I just couldn't bring myself to buy the Pineapple one, I don't like that flavour, so I just picked a random one".

It's 7pm. I laugh it off and start cooking dinner, and she declares that she intends on getting pretty drunk tonight, because she 'wants to have a fun time'. Bit weird on Valentines, but I figure it'll be alright. Her poison is tequila, and I had half a bottle (250ml or so) so she decides she wants to do a few shots to ‘get herself going’. 

By 9:30pm, the lasagna I made is ready to serve when my flatmate and her bf get home. They come in to say hi, and it's in this moment I realise my gf is now DRUNK, but she'd been quietly watching TV so I hadn't noticed. But it's fine, dinner will sober her up, right? I go to the bathroom, and when I return, I notice that the tequila bottle is all but EMPTY. I ask my gf if she finished it. She says no, and when I hold up the bottle, she sees there's still a dribble left in it, and says "see, it isn't empty!....Can I have that last bit?" I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON? She hasn't even eaten, and has now had 10 shots worth of tequila. No the fuck you cannot have the last of it are you having a giggle.

I turn away again, and when i turn back, she's suddenly topless. Tits just. Out. In the middle of my livingroom. While my flatmate is home. I ask what the hell she's doing as I shove her shirt back on, only for her to pull down the collar get her tits out again. Why? Because she's about to be sick, and last time she threw up it got on her shirt, but her tits will 'catch it'. You know what else will catch it? The toilet bowl. I get her decent again and she stumbles into the bathroom.

10:04pm, she comes back. I didn't hear puking, but she says she was sick a little, so I hope we're good. We aren't.

10:09pm, this time I do hear her throw up a bit, and pray she's good and we can continue with our night now. We get settled, turn the movie on, and she has a bit of lasagne and says it's very nice. But all of a minute in, she starts staring at the tv with this blank look, jaw slack. I pause the film. She needs to spew again. This time she sprints in, and I think an exorcism would be less violent than what she went through in that moment. I always said tequila tasted like drain cleaner, but didn’t mean for her to fcking test it. Her vomiting was so loud my flatmate heard, and probably my upstairs neighbour too. She even got a little on the collar of her t-shirt, because it seems she forgot her tactical cleavage this time. She then pulls down her pants, sits down on the toilet, looks at me dead in the eyes, and says "I think it might be time for me to go to bed."

It's 10:15pm. Our dinner is going cold, barely touched. She stands and pulls her leggings up, knocking more shit over in the process, and then says "I guess this shows what state I'm in. My leggings are wet." I assume she just soaked herself while washing her hands. She tells me no. She threw up so hard she started peeing.

She. Threw. Up. So. Hard. She. Pissed. Her. Self.

I get a bag for her ruined leggings, then ask if she wants to eat, or lie down. She says lie down, and promptly curls up and passes out in my bed.

It's 10:30pm. I microwave my lasagna, sit on the couch, still in my nice clothes, with my makeup done, and wonder how the fuck I got here, and what the fuck I'm meant to do with the rest of my night. I message my other flatmate and ask if I can sleep in her bed, because my gf is currently snoring in mine with her pissy underwear. Now this flatmate is my best friend, my ride-or-die, but if there is one thing I would usually never get to do, it is share her bed. But when she gets home, she takes one look at me and says she'll go and make it for us both. I put the rest of the lasagna and my gf's plate in the fridge.

In the morning, my mind is made up. Any one of the events of the night I could maybe have handled on its own, but together? Last straw. A pattern of behaviour is forming, and I didn’t sign up to play nanny to a drunk. I texted her to say I was sleeping in my flatmate's room. I get a text back in the morning.

"I'm really sorry for the tequila." 

Not ruining Valentines. Not showing up empty handed, not disrespecting me. Sorry for the tequila. She didn't even wake up with a goddamn hangover. She asks if we're going to break up over this. She opens with "are your flatmates mad at me" and I say yes, they're mad on my behalf. She starts crying and talking about how she can 'never come back' and starts hyperventilating, and only stops when I start trying to soothe her. And that's what gets me. The whole time, she wasn't sorry for what she did to me, she was sorry she embarrassed herself. She starts begging for another chance, and has the fucking AUDACITY to claim we had a 'miscommunication' about how we expected the night to go. What? Because I wanted a nice meal and to watch a movie with my girlfriend, and she wanted to get shitfaced? She tells me she loves me (its barely been 2 months, slow down), that I'm the best thing that happened to her, that it was just a 'drunken mistake'. But I'm done.

I heat up her lasagne from last night and make her eat it before I send her ass home, and she fucking asks where the vapes are. I lie and say they’re dead. She laughs and calls my bluff, so I say they’re confiscated. She asks by who, looking like she’s going to go fight my flatmates or something, and I say “by me. They’re my valentines gift.” She promptly shuts up. I send her on her way and go home to find my flatmates have got me my favourite crisps and chocolate to make me feel better. My goddamn flatmates got me better gifts than my own girlfriend had. (To A, M, and S, love you all xx). I then check my phone, and I have a text from my now Ex. The literal final text I got from her. I expect a “for what it’s worth, I’m so, so sorry.”

“Can you log out of my Netflix?”

What a fucking joke.

So, reddit, AITAH for breaking up with her the literal morning after Valentines? Or was I wrong to have not done it sooner, given all the signs?

TLDR: The story of my chaotic relationship with a budding alcoholic that ended in a Valentines where I got her gifts and made her dinner, and all I got in return was an empty tequila bottle, puke in my toilet, pee in my bed, and a goddamn vape.