I (31F) do not have the best relationship with my family. I have some childhood trauma that I still struggle with as an adult. My family has never been good at communicate or talking about feelings. I have always felt like the black sheep of the family and my sister is def the favorite. We were raised completely different and I am 4 years older than her. My sister and I have had our issues and went no contact a few times but we are in a better place just not close. I don’t ever recall my parents showing me affection and unfortunately I got pregnant at 14 and they made the choice for me to have an abortion and never spoke about it again and acted like it didn’t happen so that really has screwed me up but working through this. My dad has always been negative my whole life and he would fly off the handle and say things to my mom when I was kid and I grew up listening to that and he would never apologize for his behavior. I know this is due to his parents being this way so in his defense he was never taught love and how to handle things but he is in his 60s now so at some point he should try to be better. I am currently pregnant now with my first child and I went home for the first time in a while. I didn’t sleep much because I always seem to be anxious when I have to go see them. So I was moody and running off no sleep. Being pregnant is hard and they never make an effort to come to me so it’s always me having to go an hour and a half home to see them. My dad and I had a dumb disagreement over something very stupid and I asked him to please stop talking about it because I am in a bad mood and it was starting to make me mad because he kept on because he always has to be right. Well he didn’t stop so I freaked out. Called him a d***head and he started yelling at me and told me to leave his house and not come out. I clearly know I started it but I did ask him to stop talking about it and he kept on. I honestly don’t even remember saying this because I blacked out. Pregnancy rage is def a thing and I just feel like this is how he reacted my whole life to things so like it’s what I know but I’m trying to be better but my family gets under my skin. I leave and no contact from anyone and I was upset the whole weekend. My mom text me a week later telling me I need to apologize to him. Although I know he will not apologize to me for yelling and kicking his pregnant daughter out. I am under a lot of stress because I have a lot going on and I know this is my fault but he isn’t innocent either. And I really just don’t want to apologize but I do feel guilty. I just don’t care about anything but my own mental health now that I am pregnant and I have plenty of issues already to work through because I don’t want my baby to ever feel the way I felt my whole life. They want me to just apologize and disregard how I feel as long as I do what they think is right. My opinion doesn’t matter to them and it never has which is one reason I have issues. I received a text today from my mom asking me to come home for Easter lunch with them. When my dad and I haven’t spoke and I just can’t deal with this because no telling what will happen between me and my father.