This sounds so bad, but hear me out first. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now, and it seems that the good feelings fizzled out for me at the start of this year. We started living together too soon (most of my friends advised me against that but it was convenient at the time), and I think that added to our differences and made me become avoidant and not as into him anymore, even if we never got to the point of either of us bringing up breaking up. Last year we had a very intense thing happen (that I posted here for your advice too) where I was uninvited to his family event because he lied about me being the reason for this acute reflux. I just let it pass, since my feelings for him were still strong, and at the end of the day still went to the dinner as a last second decision, but didn't cook like I was supposed to. I have no complaints about his family, they were lovely, but I think since then the image I had of him as the person I love unconditionally started to decay. This year we both changed jobs, him to just another company with the same hours while I got a position closer to home, which allows me to wake up later and not see him out every morning like I did before. After that, I feel like the distance only increased, so I asked him if he'd like to start doing more dates together, since our quality time was scarce and we like relaxing on weekends so we mostly didn't so anything then, but he said it's fine and that we get to see each other every day. Yeah, well, for like four hours or so before going to sleep and when he gets home so tired all he wants is to watch tv with his feet up. Btw, we're 24 and 28, so not at all at a stage I feel we'd be settled down into a relationship. In my mind it was just that all of those small things piled up to a day that I did it, I flirted back to a delivery guy at work and when he invited me out without saying the word "date" I just took it and went out, not even having to lie about where I was going since bf didn't ask or look away from his phone for long enough to see that I had done my makeup or worn a cute dress I've been meaning to wear but hadn't had the occasion. Maybe that added to my wish to just show him that I was worth more, and then I ended up hooking up with the guy. After that I felt so guilty I went home as soon as it ended to find him at the same spot on the couch, and when he patted my hair while I cried asking what had happened I just didn't have the guts to tell him what I've done. I know if I tell him about it there's no argument I can use or picture I can paint that'll make him consider my reasons and what led me to doing it, so now I feel like I'm constantly on edge and that he's noticing how I'm acting different after what happening, even if nothing has changed monumentally. The delivery guy also asked for us to go out again but I definitely closed that door and blocked his number. I just want to know if I'm entirely the asshole on this matter, and maybe that'll help me make my mind up about telling him, because he doesn't deserve it, or if it's not that bad since it made me realize that I don't want our relationship to end. AITAH?