I (20f) have been having issues with my mother that I never really had a chance to actually reflect on until now. Before we start I was adopted by my mother at the age of 15 later then met my now father.

At the age of 16 my father made a savings account for me to have for when I was working so my money would automatically go into that savings account that I had no to access to only my mother and father at the time I didn’t have any idea that my mom was taking money from my account until I was around 18 that my father would tell me that she would take money from my account and put some back. I didn’t think much of it cause she was a mother who took care of me.

This kept going until my first year of college I had no idea how to do time management or how to manage my own money without my parents taking it so I let it slide and had money from student loans and grants since I was adopted so half of that money went to my account. I always had to ask my father to give me my money to spend and always asked what I would spend it on and it mostly for groceries, personal items and bills.

By then I knew how much I would get in total from grants and student loans so I would write it down so whenever I spent something I would write down how much I spent and subtract it with the money I had wrote down to know how much I would have left. At the time I had my own iPhone which had three lines for me, and my other two sisters who didn’t contribute to paying off the bills so it was either me or my mother (it was mostly me paying it). So by the end of the school semester I would already know how much left I would have like 1k before I started working for the summer again. I was asked my father to lend me my money again into the checking account, but told me I did have none and spent it all on myself which I know I didn’t spent it all.

By then I knew it was wither my mother or him that has been spending my money for clarification my mother is a casino addict and my father an alcoholic. So then I started to actually have suspicions of them handling my money so I asked my sister for help let’s call her Erica (23f). Erica helped me through everything since I was little and was adopted alongside me. So once I told her what was going on she told me that she has been doing that to all her kids that went to college taking their money without saying anything so I decided to make my own banking account without telling my parents and it was only between me and my sister, at first I had a bit of a hard time managing my account but I got it handled now.

That happened in my second year of college when I started in my first semester transferred everything into my own account. Weeks passed by before my mother noticed that my students loans and grants that was left over didn’t go into my old account so she bombarded me with calls I didn’t answer for I was scared that she would manipulate me to delete my account and transfer the money back. A day goes by when my sister calls and tells me everything that my mother said about me, being ungrateful and unable to take care of myself basically calling me stupid, which it hurt a lot, but my sister Erica was there to support me and told me how to successfully manage my own money since if my parents kept the money I would have never know how to manage it on my own.

Since then i was brave enough to call my mother which turn sour telling me that I should have told her about the account and it was very disrespectful and rude to do that to them without talking to them about it first but she let it go and let me have my own account believing that I would fail.

Now I am in my second semester of my sophomore year in college and we have bumped heads again last month my other sister lets call her Alex (27f) who is still living with my parents since she has some issues but knows from right to wrong. Was visiting my other sister Erica since Alex got into trouble with my mother. At that time my mother was in a cruise celebrating her birthday around that time she was asking my sister Erica $700 for casino and course my sister gave it too her a few minutes later my mother asked me for 200 dollars which I had I just didn’t want to encourage her gambling addiction so I refused and made up a lie that my cash app wasn’t working and told me to send it to Erica to send to her. That happens and never got the $200 she wanted so she was pretty upset about that.

Anyways I called my sister Erica and rant about the phone bill how my mother hasn’t helped my pay for it or my other sister who is capable of getting a job and is 17 years old (favorite child) and how much money she owes me mind you I didn’t know Alex was listening until 2 weeks later.

One of the weekends I was away for a ROTC event and haven’t been able to use my phone at all no service around me so when I came back I notified my sister Erica that I was back and then decided to call me saying that Alex overheard our conversation 2 weeks ago and told my mother ranting to my sister Erica and again my mother made me feel horrible calling me stupid things to make me feel bad about myself.

Mind you I am still in college, don’t have a car yet, and having to buy school supplies and groceries to keep me alive and stay clean, and my mother getting upset because I didn’t send her money to gamble away when I would buy food for a whole month with that money.

Now my sister Erica is going to graduate college and wanted to celebrate by going to a cruise mind you I had to give my mother $900 for me to get in the cruise but the rest of the family $100-$200 which I felt that was to much for me to give I was only gonna go because of my sister Erica, but she is not going because of how my mother is treating me and her so I am planning on not going either and getting my money back from my mother and celebrate it with my sister, and plan to completely cut my mother off for the hard time she has given me like my exams are supposed to give me a hard time not my mother. 😭

But I would like to know any advice how to approach this and what y’all think about it I am sad that I will be saying goodbye to someone who took me in, but at the same time I have to look out for myself and my health.