I completely cut off my best friend last year, she’s also my older brother’s girlfriend. My parents still occasionally invite her over for dinner, and when she’s around, I just act like she doesn’t exist.

Last year, I was studying abroad for a student exchange program. My boyfriend and I would argue now and then because of the long distance situation. Most of it was over small things, but there was one big argument where we didn’t talk for a few days. During that time, my boyfriend reached out to my best friend for advice. (For context: they were work colleagues and had known each other before I even started dating him, so I never had a problem with their friendship.)

I was okay with him asking her for advice, what I wasn’t okay with was what she did next. She went behind my back and told their other colleague (let’s call her Sarah) all about our issues. I’ve never gotten along with Sarah, she’s a bit wild and once even encouraged my boyfriend to download a dating app, knowing he was in a relationship with me.

But it didn’t stop there. My best friend didn’t just tell Sarah about the argument, she told her every tiny detail, including the things my boyfriend did for me while we were doing long distance, like sending me money. She also told my older brother, which upset me even more. I’ve never had a close relationship with him, and we rarely speak, so I couldn’t understand why she’d involve him. I’m a very private person, and I felt really violated.

I found out about all of this because Sarah told my boyfriend that my best friend had been talking about me. So I confronted her. I texted I wasn’t comfortable with her sharing my personal issues with other people, especially with my brother. She didn’t apologize, she just said she understood. After that, we barely facetimed or texted until I came back home.

One day, she invited me to get some fast food, and I agreed. She picked me up, and while we were in the car, she brought up how awkward things had gotten between us. I was expecting an apology, but instead, she shifted the blame to my boyfriend, claiming he was the one who told Sarah everything. I knew she was lying. How would my boyfriend even know that my older brother was aware of the situation? He’s never spoken to him. I didn’t bother confronting her further because I knew she wasn’t going to take responsibility. We still talked occasionally after that, but it wasn’t the same as I kept my distance.

Afterward, she kept texting me, wanting to hang out. I said okay, and we set a time and date. I got dressed and waited for her to pick me up. She’s usually late, so I expected a bit of a delay. An hour passed, and I texted her, she said she overslept. Fine. We rescheduled. The second time, the same thing happened, she canceled last minute because she had an argument with my brother. Whatever.

On my birthday, she offered to take me to brunch and drop me off at class afterward. I got dressed up and waited again. One hour before class, I texted her and got no response. Thankfully, my boyfriend was able to take me (I commute to uni and don’t have a driver’s license). While I was in class, she finally replied, saying she had overslept again and offered to take me out to dinner instead. That was my last straw. I told her I was busy after class and stopped responding to her completely.

She kept sending me long texts after realizing I was cutting her off, but I didn’t even bother reading them.