Sorry this is long!!!

I (20m) had a friend (23m) who we'll call "Edmund". "Edmund" was a friend of mine for a while and he was always pretty supportive...or so I thought. About 2 months ago we both did a three day film at a youth group (non religious) that his Mum ran. On the third day he wasn't there so his Mum asked if I could give him a call to check up on him as she said, and I quote, "he won't talk to me, he doesn't like me". He has always spoken badly about his Mum which I never understood because she, like my Mum, is an amazing person and a fantastic mother but anyway. I rang him and he said that he was just a bit sick and that he'd be there soon so ofc I thought nothing of it. 1 hour later he still wasn't there and I started to worry about him so I called again and again he said "I'm sick" but this time he sounded pissed! About 2 hours after that his friend "Bryce" came up to me and asked if I would accompany them to visit "Edmund" and check up on him. I agreed. He was normal then.

The next day I sent him a message on Snapchat (he could only talk on there because he didn't like people screenshotting texts without asking, something that now presents as a 🚩) saying " hey, how are you doing today" he responded with "fine." That was unusual for him as he normally gives long answers so I asked what was wrong. He then proceeded to tell me that I'm an asshole and I'm selfish and that I don't care about him but also that I was a great friend etc. At this point in time I was watching my gran slowly die from cancer and I couldn't handle this confusing situation so I took a backseat for a week to clear my head.

After a week exactly I sent him a message telling him how he made me feel and asking what his interpretation of those comments were. He then continued to blame me for everything bad in his life and use all the things he knew I was insecure about as attacks against me.

I felt like shit. I messaged my brother because he's an "expert" on these things and he told me that it sounded like he was gaslighting me. I asked him about it and he again turned everything on me. He wasn't gaslighting, I was, he wasn't selfish, I was he wasn't at fault, I was, etc, etc.

I told him that I was done with our friendship and blocked him, I felt like shit and I believed everything he was saying. Honestly If it wasn't for my friends and family I would still believe all that. But cutting him off made me feel guilty. He always used to say that he was a "stepping stone person" and that he would "kill himself" if we stopped being friends. ( three months later and he is still here)

I still hold this guilt with me and I'm just wondering, am I the asshole?