Growing up, I’ve always been subjected to bullying, harassment, and sexualization. At first, it was just bullying about my looks—I was often called fat and ugly and faced some rumors. When I reached 10th grade, the situation escalated to harassment and sexualization by most of the boys in my class. Now that I’m in college, I still face sexualization, this time from a trans woman.

She likes to embarrass me in front of the class, making sexual jokes and questioning everything I do, especially my achievements, shaming me for being smart as if that should only get me so far.

What twists the knife in my chest is not just the fact that I keep experiencing these situations but also that many people witnessed what I've gone through and did nothing to intervene or stand up for me—especially my friends. Their reasoning seems to be, "It doesn't involve them, so it's not their problem." While I understand it doesn't directly affect them, I expected that, as friends, they would at least call out this behavior. Their inaction hurts me deeply. Is it wrong that I have these expectations? If they were in my shoes, I would certainly help them.

Their mentality appears to blame me for continuing to engage with my bully. There are moments when we share light-hearted jokes and engage in casual conversation, but inevitably, she shifts from camaraderie to cruelty. In my attempts to assert myself, I speak up when she crosses the line.

They think it’s wiser to ignore individuals who exhibit this toxic behavior, hoping that silence will render their actions powerless. But I think simply ignoring the situation is an endorsement of their cruelty; it only encourages them to feel comfortable inflicting their negativity on others. I am utterly worn out from enduring this cycle of bullying. I must stand up for myself and set boundaries if no one else can advocate for me.

I think my hatred for bystanders stems from this. I want to communicate this with my friends, but they were also dismissive in many incidents. It convinces me that it's just the way they are. And I can't depend on them anymore. I think they are aware of their inactions but actively choose not to do anything about it.