Me m(32) and my partner f(32) have been getting into this recurrent argument where when I get back home from my work (my shifts are between 1:30PM and 10 PM every weekday)I get back from work and there is still a lot of stuff to do in the house, which I obviously help do, and leads to me having maybe half an hour to chill at the end of my day.

My partner works a normal shift, we have a very energetic puppy at home so I basically take over in the morning, taking him out for a walk which takes an hour, cooking me and the partner breakfast and making coffee and if I manage I will do more things around the house before my shift starts. We share most of the work, I am the main person that cooks in the house, she take over cleaning, I am the main caretaker of the dog during morning etc. I feel like we have a pretty equal share of the workload. It’s rare that both of us would be at home and only one would do house work.

The issue starts when I get back from work at night. It has happened several times that I come into the house and there is still tons to do, the kitchen is a mess, the dog wasen’t fed dinner etc and it leads to me having to pick up the work instead of enjoying my literal one hour and a half of available free time

My partner has a pretty demanding job, some days she would work very late and it’s understandable that she would not have time to do her part of the house chores, I have been wrong in getting upset at those times when I realised the house is in a state of chaos, but realistically, there was no time for her to do her part. In some cases though she finishes work at 6 pm and the same issue arises, when I raise it she gets defensive and the discussion goes nowhere. She says she does do chores all her free time as well, but I feel like she does not prioritise the critical stuff leading us getting into the same situation again and again where there is literally no free time during the day. I also often make meal during the weekend precisely to have that free time on week nights and very often that is still not enough.

I’ll also add that when I do home office we normally manage to have free time from 10 pm, which is probably because I can pitch in and help during my shift.

I feel that my expectation is reasonable and that the fact that with four and a half hours of time somehow there is another hour of work for both of us to do is an issue of priorities and organisation of the chores on her end, she accuses me of grilling her and not appreciating all that she does around the house.

AITAH?