TLDR at bottom, because damn this got long.

Hello everyone, long time lurker but I never figured I’d make one of these. Typing this out on mobile, so apologies for the bad formatting. This happened over the weekend. My (30M) gf (30F, I’ll refer to her as Max) was having her birthday party, and as the party was dying down, some stuff happened. For some info, Max is polyamorous, and most of her friends are fairly sexually liberated. Apparently it’s not terribly rare for parties to end in orgies/a good amount of the friends ducking. I’m new to the lifestyle, but we’ve been dating for 3 months and she’s been really good about asking about my boundaries and how I’m feeling when I’m faced with aspects of the lifestyle that are new, and I have felt pretty agreeable with it so far. I’ve also only met Max’s friends twice so far (including the party), so I hardly know any of them well. Back to the party, you could tell people were to the point with drinking and drugs that quite a few people (myself included) were feeling frisky (Max had been sober for a year but she decided to make an exception for her bday and had some ketamine before the incident). It ended up being me and four of the women (including Max) half naked exploring each other and doing some foreplay. I’m stoked because this is my first orgy and it’s starting out with me surrounded by beautiful women. We were playing in the bedroom with the door open while the other friends of hers were in the living room doing karaoke and watching. I had my shirt off, but my pants were still on at this point. As I’m facing the bed, a random dude came up behind me, pushed me down on the bed without warning, held my head down, and started to pull my pants down without a single word. I was shocked, and told him he wasn’t my type (it was all I could think of to get him off me and to diffuse the situation). I wouldn’t consider myself 100% straight, but I’ve never been with a man and haven’t voiced any desire to (only maybe recognizing good looking guys are good looking). Some of the girls joked about “come on…consent is important” while chuckling. I was still processing what happened when everyone else started going at it shortly after. I didn’t want to bring the party down, so I tried to muscle through it (I know this is my mistake for not voicing my discomfort at this point). I couldn’t get hard, and so Max ended up fooling around with another guy as I tried to make myself useful by eating out one of the other women who was part of the puddle. One of the participants realized I wasn’t totally engaged, and when asked if I was enjoying myself, I cracked and said no, and talked about how I was still shaken up. It felt like I was humiliated and ashamed twice in a row with getting pinned in front of a bunch of people, and then having to sit back like a useless cock at a gangbang while everyone else is having fun. Some of the people left, so it was just me, Max, and her gf (we are tight, so I felt comfortable with them). We were talking about it with the door open (I again understand I didn’t close the door and didn’t say I wanted privacy), and some friends came in. They weren’t there for the incident, and they figured we were just having a polycule cuddle puddle. I have met these friends before, but literally once at another party while they were plastered, so I wouldn’t say I really knew them. When they came in asking what we were talking about, my girlfriend didn’t skip a beat and told them what happened. Now there’s a pow-wow of basically strangers around me asking about how I felt. I got maybe one sentence in before the others started listing off the hardships they’re going through (“I get that that was difficult, I get it because I had a suicidal moment a few months back”) and then stuck on the conversation of which of our suicide stories were saddest. I left for the bathroom because I was starting to feel furious about being thrown into the middle of a tribunal without asking me, but only to be ignored after I barely say anything. Max came in after I took a minute and we talked and she helped me realize I had been sexually assaulted. She kept saying “if you were a woman, I would’ve been more aggressive in giving insert asshat name a talking to about what happened” and that she didn’t want me to leave the party. I stayed for a little while longer, but Max out of nowhere yelled “Let’s have some more sex!” I couldn’t stand it, so I left angrily. After I got home, I sent a message saying I was angry and disappointed in how she reacted and handled my situation. Mostly I was angry that she felt it okay to share my grief and sadness with people who I hardly knew, and then wasn’t mindful when thinking how someone might react to be SA’d and then maybe an hour later yelling “let’s get back at it”. She responded with saying I never said I was uncomfortable with sharing with her friends, and that it isn’t her responsibility to read my mind. I understand I didn’t speak up for myself, and that there is some blame on my part, but I couldn’t help but think about how would you ask a kid who was just touched by a clown whether he’d like to go back to the circus? I recognize she was also blitzed after a bunch of drinking and ketamine, so the thought process wasn’t 100% there. All that being said, AITAH for being angry and disappointed with how Max handled everything that night?

TLDR: was about to have orgy including GF, but random man SAs me in front of everyone present. Orgy happens and I voice my displeasure with the situation after not being able to join and enjoy due to the shock. While talking with Max, friends came in and Max put out what happened to me without asking. Shortly after, Max exclaims “let’s have more sex”, and I leave after being overwhelmed with anger and disappointment. I text her I’m not a fan of having my struggles put out to strangers and the humiliation of my gf asking for sex from the group when I was just SA’d. AITAH for getting angry about how she handled everything?