I’m financially vulnerable and haven’t found a stable job despite ongoing applications. My friend (known him for a year, sometimes gave me €150/month) invited me to visit him abroad for 3 weeks, covering my 14-hour flight. He called himself rich, generous, spiritual, and wanted emotional and business support while training me to join his new company. He encouraged me to use his card, Uber account, and said he’d cover all costs including an apartment if I extended my stay.

I agreed to stay 1.5 months longer, sacrificing the stability of my home (he said using the word “sacrifice” was insulting). At first, he was generous. But things shifted.

I ended up doing 80–90% of dishes, cleaning beard clippings, dealing with his loud, unclean cat, and his mess around the house. He thanked me once. He threw away a parcel of mine without asking (costing me money), laughed it off via text, then apologized later in person.

He smokes weed daily, uses LSD weekly, and smokes cigarettes. Meanwhile, he judged me for being “too rational,” “cold,” and “disciplined,” claiming I suppress feelings and should focus on “emotions over logic.” He criticized me for not working out or going outside much, despite me being stable in other ways. He framed his lifestyle (exercise, daily breakfast plus indulgence) as more “balanced.”

He yelled at me twice. One time for calling a housing agency “incompetent” after they/he booked the wrong apartment (the one thing I asked for). He called it hate speech, stood between me and the door, and later said “I’m only human.” after he apologized and I said its not ok to yell at your friends. Another time, he raised his voice and scolded me for not hugging a crying and (imo unnecessarily panicking) tourist (which he did), saying it was “bad for my soul.”

In the final days, he suddenly claimed he was broke after donating a large sum to a Buddhist speaker. I had to cover an expensive taxi myself when his Uber failed: he just laughed. He then asked me to treat him to a €150 luxury lounge despite knowing I have no money. Days later, after getting investment money, he flipped back to encouraging me to spend luxuriously.

I flew home after 3.5 weeks. He didn’t wish me a good flight, ask if I arrived, or help me get home from the airport despite me traveling halfway across the world and carrying heavy luggage. Instead, he messaged self centered about missing me or about his money returning.

He also encouraged me to order champagne and junk food as “self-love,” telling me my brain was lying about discipline for not wanting to indulge unnecessarily and that I was avoiding feelings. He insisted indulging would help me “heal,” despite knowing I value discipline and health. He then said that if I actually valued health I would work out, effectively pushing me to indulge to get closer to my feelings instead of denying myself. He said this discipline is me only wanting control out of trauma.

Now I feel confused. Yes, he was generous at first, but I also had to take on household labor, was yelled at, left financially exposed, and emotionally unsupported. He says I’m “too disciplined” and unstable, but I feel his generosity became a form of superiority, control and manipulation.

AITAH for feeling disrespected and used, even though he paid for a lot? I feel disoriented now that I’m back home, unsure if I’m overreacting or finally seeing it clearly.