Throwaway account as I dont want it linked to my account. I was 19f when I met my husband 29m. As expected, he was my first real boyfriend. I met all his fanily, he met mine and it was great. When I was 22 him 32 we got engaged, 24 and he was 34 we got married. We had arguments as normal couples do, we had our son when I was 29 and he was 39. Our son is now 4 and has autism. In 2016, his Mum passed away (we had been married for a year). 2023 his dad passed and 2024 my Mum passed. We have had a hurrendous couple years of family issues and family deaths. We have recently tuened a corner (or so I thought December 2024 we completed on a house purchase. January we picked up our puppy for our son. I have since found out, my husband has been using cocaine, he has had bad mental health where he has punched holes in doors and had his hands around my throat once. He refuses to get help. He has tried to throw me and our son out before, but we have literally nowhere to go. I have said I am not going anywhere wirh my son as he has no bed anywhere else. Yesterday, I wanted us to go out, I asked if he wanted to come to a thing with our son and he said yes, so I waited and waited and wasted money on the tickets for him to say no he didnt want to go. Today is Easter, he has been asleep on the couch, I wanted to go out for dinner or so something, he has stayed in bed. He keeps telling me to put the house on the market, the house is awful, it will never sell the state it is in. We were in the middle of decoraring the house, the kitchen is falling apart and the fences are. So even if we went to sell, we would be looking at a massive loss. I feel so ignored. I have wasted my 20s and moat of my 30s on a man who obviously has no respect for me. For childcare, we have one day off a week each and work out the rest normally, last Monday, I came home. My husband was asleep on the couch. Our son was still in PJs, he had not eaten any lunch, he had gotten into his paint and the house was covered, carpets walls and couch. When I write it out, I know I am not the ass hole. I feel my son isnt safe with him anymore. I make him sound like a absolute dick head, bit honestly he wasnt always like this. He cried of happiness when our son was born, he plays with him hard, he has wanted to plan this life, but now. Yeah he doesnt.