For context, i decided to travel abroad for my junior year of university, just one semester, the one we're in rn. my boyfriend is quite insecure, i don't hate him for it, it just can be a bit much at times. since i've been on exchange these past 2 months, he's been really difficult, especially with the fact that my friend group consists of some guys, even tho those guys are in relationships. we found a solution for this by me literally just telling him where i'm going and who with, so there's no surprises when i post on my story about my time out and tagging the ppl i was with. i'm cool with that.

i'm studying abroad in south korea, and a popular thing to do while here is visit jeju island. so, that group of people i mentioned before is made up of guys and girls, but ofc, just my luck, the only ppl that can go are me and one other girl, and 4 guys. 2 in relationships, 1 doesn't even like women, and the other one, looks like jesus. it just worked out that way where every other girl in the friend group can't go. and the girl he knows i'm pretty close with, and he's cool with that cause it's a girl (even tho im bi)

as soon as the girl and i booked everything, i told him. locations, people that were going, the airbnbs, flight details, everything. i even offered to give him the one other girls instagram so he can ask her what im doing if he doesn't believe me.

he has a fear of being cheated on from a previous relationship when he was like 15, also has a fear of me cheating because i'm "friendly" to guys (i'm just a nice person lol), so i understand him to an extent.

he goes on to say "have fun lol" "i don't like groupies" and "guess we're open now" IMMEDIATELY assuming i'm going there to cheat on him and not because i want to visit jeju for any other reason. so, i explain to him that i've always wanted to go to jeju, theres no ulterior motive, and the girl and i have private sleeping arrangements AWAY from the guys. separate room.

he's been known to have a temper and go on insulting me whenever he's upset, and so i've become used to it. so i do what i always do, reassure, validate, and find a solution that works for both of us. instead...he starts calling me a toy. basically saying im gonna be passed around like a used whore.

I'm going to jeju regardless of what he thinks because i don't care about people's genders and i wanna experience life, am i the asshole?

for those asking why I'm still with him, the answer I like to believe is a valid reason, is the fact that he and I have been friends since we were 12, now almost 21, dating for 3 years. idk why I kept him around when he acted similarly as a friend. I try to give him some grace, but it gets hard to do at times. sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a secure partner, someone who didn't care who I was around, the same way I am with him because I trust him not to betray me. i feel like i constantly have to answer to him and im kept on a leash, the same way i felt with my parents. i have to be careful about everything.