Hi Reddit,

This is my first time posting and I'm pretty embarassed about it, bc I feel like I'm acting childish and should know better, but I've heard this is a safe space and maybe I need someone to tell me the harsh truth. This post will be a little long, sorry.

My bf (24M) and I (25F) have been dating for the past two years. I love him and always have been pretty happy with him. The first year was a little tough, because this was for the both of us our first serious relationship and we both still had a lot to learn when it came to communicating, the way we should treat each other and prioritizing needs to make it work between us. We both changed for the better and at some point I felt very loved and respected.

He's a good guy, but for the past two months he's been acting strange and distant. I noticed right away, but I didn't want to say anything at first bc I wanted to give him some space and the opportunity to come to me if he needs to without me pushing for it. After a week of this I changed my mind and thought maybe he needs me to ask him straight up if something's going on. I asked and he denied all of it. He said he's just been busy and distracted. I believed him and let it go, but his strange behaviour went on and became worse. After two weeks of this, I again asked if something's going on and after a bit of pushing he finally told me about the way he's feeling. He says he's dealing with personal problems and needs some space and time away from everybody. He didn't go into full detail and he had a hard time explaining himself, but so far from what I've understood is that it's a lot of financial related issues causing him stress, the fact he's not entirely happy with where he is in life and he also said that he feels like a failure and doesn't feel like the man he wants/needs to be. I didn't entirely understand what he meant with that and what he isn't satisfied with about himself and asked for examples or more specific reasonings, but he didn't know how to explain it any better. I tried making the best out of the situation by trying to cheer him up, telling him that I'm here for him and how he wasn't anywhere near a failure in my eyes and that I'm extremely proud of him. I tried trying to find the cause of what was making him feel this way in hopes we could find solutions but he says he doesn't even know why he's feeling this way. I love him and it hurts to see him in pain, but he's pushing me away and making it near impossible for me to be there for him. He says it's not about me and that he doesn't want to lose me, but at the same time he's not capable of focusing on our relationship. At first I thought he meant he wants to break up, but he said he wants to stay together and for me to be able to deal with how he's behaving rn. I feel like an asshole for making this about me and feeling neglected when he's the one going thru it. I feel like I'm a weak support system, but I can't do this any longer. It hurts to let go and I want to stay by his side, but I've been feeling so sad and alone for the past 2 months. It's like I don't even exist to him.

Now let me sum up what his behavior has been like towards me so you guys understand what my problem with this situation is.

1. He hasn't reached out ONCE during the past months. It's only been me who is texting or calling him first everytime trying to check up on him and engaging in conversation. (which fails a lot, see point 2)

2. 9 out of 10 times he ignores my calls and doesn't return them either. He often leaves me on read when I text him or he takes 5-6 hours to reply everytime. It's been 2 months since we last had a conversation that flows. Right now it just feels like random updates throughout the day rather than an actual convo.

3. He doesn't feel like meeting up with me at all. We live 10 mins away from each other. I haven't seen him since this started.

4. Everytime I try to talk to him about how this is making me feel and what it's doing to us he pushes the convo to the next day which never happens.

5. I stopped reaching out daily and gave him the space he needed which would result in us not talking at all for days on end.

6. He stopped calling me babe or any nickname for that matter and hasn't told me he loves me or misses me in two months. I still say it though.

7. He told me he wants to set up rules where I should stop reaching out. He's the only one who's allowed to reach out and he wants that to be whenever he feels good enough to talk to me. He said that would be once every few days.

8. He says he isn't capable of change and that this is who he becomes when he's going thru something difficult. I have never seen him behave like this before and I don't recognize him one bit.

9. He stopped showing interest in me and my life. He doesn't know what I'm up to at all. I told him on the same day of the event that I had an important job interview later that day and that I would also hear at the end of that same day if I got it or not and he never asked about it.

10. He said he's only focused on himself rn, but wants me to stay in a relationship with him.

11. He says really mean and cold things to me out of nowhere. He feels annoyed a lot cuz of what he's going thru and takes it out on me by saying awful things that actually break me. I have never cried this much in my life as I have the past two months. He hasn't apologized once for his behavior and just tells me to deal with it.

Am I an awful person for wanting to choose myself? I hate giving up on him and our relationship. Ups and downs are a part of life, right? Do I see this thru and continue to be with him even if it hurts me in hopes he starts behaving normal and kind again soon? I don't want to regret giving up on the person I love and I do not want to allow the past 2 months to define him when I've seen so much good in him for the past two years.

I'm just really tired and struggling with my own thoughts. One second I tell myself I deserve better and should move on, and then the other second I feel like a bad partner for not being able to stick by his side in bad times.

We haven't spoken in a 4 days now and this is the first time I haven't reached out in that long. Usually I give him about 2/3 days of space, and then I check up on him. He texted me for the first time on his own today with a simple hi but I'm ignoring it. I shouldn't do that. I should confront him and give him an answer, but idk what to say or what I want. I can't actually let him treat me like this, can I?

Thank you to anyone reading this.