Hi Female 48 left my husband 63 when he went to the hospital to have a kidney transplant. Backstory-we have been together for seven years, married for four. When we were dating, he was the ultimate husband, fiancé. We went on trips and had conversations about having children. Some of the things we spoke about, were our future. We work together and both made a significant income. However, the day we got married, he refused to sleep with me and said that he never told me that he wanted children. We never slept together again. Note-we had a very active sex life prior to getting married.

After our marriage, I told him that I wanted to sit down and talk about our finances and consolidate accounts. He stated that I would never ask him about money, bank account, retirement investments, etc. I was thrown off by this, but that’s fine. We’re both retired military so we have our own income and accounts. We went to look at some businesses for purchase (I have two). We were required to submit our account info and he found out I had over $400,000 in retirement accounts and savings. after meeting with the investor, he asked me why I never told him how much money I made in or had in my account. I informed him that he said that we would never talk about our individual finances and everything will remain separate. The discussion was over and then a week later a contractor showed up to our house. I was confused because I never knew there was anything going on with the house. My husband talked to the gentleman about renovating the basement even though he and I had never had this conversation. After the contractor left, he said that he think it would be great if we get the basement renovated. I stated OK let’s sit down and develop a plan how much we need to save and in the next 6 to 12 months, we can get it done . He looked at me strange and then abruptly got up and left. A week later the contractor came back. This time he had blueprints and a timeline for construction. I sat at the table with them and I said me and my husband will talk about the timelines because the contractor stated he was ready to get started the next week. after he left, my husband screamed at me and stated that I embarrassed him by asking questions. I stated to him why would he be coming out to do the basement next week when you and I have not spoke about the timeline and how we’re gonna save the money to do it . With a straight face, he said you have the money you need to give it to me. The basement renovation would have cost $30,000. I told him it took me over 20 years to save that money, and just because I have it does not mean I want to spend it. he raged out stating that we are married and that I am a liar because I did not tell him about the money that I have. I told him that I am not paying for a house renovation unless he asked me to themortgage. He said that he would not do that and so I told him the conversation was over.

After this, his behavior became increasingly disturbing. He, then began to stalk me every time I left the house. We shared locations so he would have his guys’s night out every other week. And I would have a girls night out with my friends every other week. However, he would take screenshots of My Location and what I later found out, he was writing emails to himself, stating that I was not at the location that I said I would be at even though it was exactly the screenshot that he had taken. He did not allow me to have any visitors or friends over. And only his family was welcomed at our house.

My children stop coming to see me because of him. He even told me that me having a private conversation with my daughter or children without talking on speakerphone was being sneaky. After I decided that I was not putting up with this anymore in the relationship it became even more physical. he put his hands on me because I refuse to argue with him about spending time with my adult children, family ,or friends. He then began to send his family members to stalk me at the gym. He would tell them things like I have a flat tire and need help. They would show up and be confused. I caught on that he was having me followed, I confronted him and he said that I was delusional. Then he started asking to go to my hair and nail appointments. He would sit in the waiting area until I was finished. I admit I enabled the BS and no he was not paying for anything.

After it progressively got worse, we found out that he was suffering from kidney failure and he had to go on dialysis three days a week for four hours each time. We did this for three years. I was distraught because I thought he was dying when he got sick because he was in the ICU for a week. After speaking with one of his family members, I found out he was diabetic, had kidney disease, and high blood pressure for almost 20 years. I was told that he knew his kidneys were failing before we got married. He never told me any of this and if I asked about medical appointments, it became an argument.

I also found out that I was not his second marriage in fact, I was his fifth. He lied about that. I continue to be supportive of him with his sickness and took him to all his appointments and became a caregiver per se. With all of this, his behaviors became more irrational and dangerous.

I recently found out that he was putting video recording devices in our house in the rooms and stated that he was changing the locks on the doors because he thought I would cheat on him. I have never cheated on him, never thought about cheating on him, and asked him Why would he think that? But to save energy and mental space I told him I don’t care go ahead and change the locks. This made him angry and he said that I must be doing something if I don’t care that he’s changing the locks. I knew that this was a justification for him to start an argument with me and I walked away. At any rate, he stated that it was his house, and that I would not ever question him and would just follow his rules. Even though I had already told him I didn’t care about the lock change.

The final straw was him showing up to my store and asking a customer if I was cheating with him. I own a small boutique and a lot of my customers come to buy things for their spouses.A week later I wanted to do something nice for him and cook breakfast and take him shopping. I make more money than him and I’m usually the one paying for fun and vacations etc. he requested that we take his vehicle to go out for the day due to his medical issues. So I adjusted the seat in the car because I am short. We did our shopping and returned home. The next day he called me out to the garage and asked me why was the seat of his vehicle changed. I didn’t understand what he was talking about so I asked him. He said you changed the seat on my car without my permission . I told him I drove yesterday to take you shopping, and I had to adjust the seats to drive. He started screaming at me stating that I changed his seat on purpose so that I can have a guy in the car. I explained to him that he is the one who wanted to use his vehicle and that he needs to stop. Again, it got physical and I’m tired so at this point, I told him I will be the villain in your story.

I planned to leave, three weeks later including getting a U-Haul and friends that would help me pack all of my things while he was at dialysis. The night before the move, we receive a phone call that he was getting a kidney. They gave us 30 minutes to get to the hospital which we did and the next morning he received the kidney. With all of this, I stayed( coming back and forth)at the hospital with him for the entire 10 days. I still was going to be supportive of him through this process. I had been bringing him food, clothing, supportive items while he was in the hospital after his surgery. I was also paying an astronomical amount for parking every day. So, one of the days I went to visit him I used his credit card to pay seven dollars for the parking. When I went into his room, I informed him that I used his card to pay for the parking and he proceeded to scream at me in front of the nurse that I was not allowed to use his bank card for anything. As opposed to flipping out in the hospital, I grabbed my things and left. I called my friends and told them to meet me at the U-Haul place where I’ll pick up a truck and went to the house and moved all of my things into storage unit.

The next day I called my Realtor friend and found a house for rent. I moved out the next day. I picked him up from the hospital when he was released, drove him all the way home, and before he got out of the vehicle, I informed him that I moved out of the house. He asked me why, and I told him all the information that I told you guys above and I told him unless he seeks therapy for all the trauma that he is causing me and he stops stomping on the boundaries that I set, I would not come back. AITAH?