So here is the thing. I (M29) have been with my gf (F29) for almost 3 years. The beginning of our relationship was quite messy, as she was still with someone else when we started hanging out, and I didn't know until very late. At the time, she told me that it was not doing very well, that they were about to break up sooner or later anyway. So, given I was already heavily invested in it, I accepted the situation and tried to stay patient without ever knowing if they would get back together or not because it was hot and cold with the ex bf. Basically, she was in a double relationship, but only the ex bf didn't know sh*t (bc she didn't want to hurt him).

2 months later they eventually broke up for real but I kinda made it clear that it is upsetting me a lot that they stayed good friends after all the ups and downs I have been through. She told me that all this "you can never be friends with your exes" is all bs, and that she wanted to do it this way. I said, ok fine, let's try, maybe I'd get over it some time. They had a couple of meetups, nothing romantic I trust her on that, but somehow their bond was still like a ghost to me, basically. After a year and half I told her to quit talking to him, have some distance from now on, no more casual meetups. She said ok, and I thought it was the case until recently I wanted to send myself some pictures from her phone and I saw him in the contacts suggested, which means they talked to each other recently. So I checked, and yes they have been talking a lot. He was inquiring to see if her situation with me has evolved or not, she was telling him about all the current issues we are going through as a couple, kinda like a confidant. It almost seems like he wants to stay ready, just in case. Actually it was not the first time that I was deceived when I thought they weren't talking anymore, but this time I just feel like I can't no more. And I did sneak into her texts which is kinda red flag in other circumstances, so I am also guilty in some aspects