This post is made on a throwaway account because I'm just one of those people who's incredibly scared of people tracing my internet activities back to me. I (19) and my boyfriend (20m) have been together for almost 2 years, but we've been best friends since we were 13. Throughout our relationship, we've had little disagreements here and there, normal stuff, but there has only been one major argument. The argument was about me lying to him about everything "being fine" whenever everything wasn't.

Around 17, I was diagnosed with Dysautonomia, it's a condition that affects your autonomic nervous system and basically fucks up your automatic organ/bodily functions, balance, sensory intake, and has a huge range of symptoms from dizziness and failing spells to straight up developing eating disorders. I won't go into details about mine, it affects different people differently, but I will say that it's awful. I barely told anyone about my diagnoses, only those who needed to know, like my other doctors, my mom, and my school so they could update my medical records. I didn't even tell my friends, including my boyfriend (who was only my friend at the time).

A little while ago, I got drunk with some of my other friends (bf not included) and ended up breaking down and confessing to them what exactly I was going through. (The drinking age is 18 in my country btw) They comforted me, and told me that alot of my behaviours now made much more sense (scratching my skin off, rapid blinking, sudden dizziness, holding my chest in pain).

These behaviours have made my boyfriend repeatedly ask me before if I was ok, and I always responded that I was fine and that nothing was wrong.

Yesterday, one of my friends decided that she wanted to know more about what I have (the specifics) and decided to ask my boyfriend about it and not me for some reason. He had 0 clue what she was talking about. She explained to him what I told them the other night, and I can imagine how shocked he was to find out, especially when I never intended him to. When I got back on campus (we both live on dorms) He confronted me about it, asking if it was true or not. I sighed and admitted it. I was frustrated that someone I didn't specifically tell, now knew. To be honest, as soon as I sobered up that night, I regretted telling my other friends too.

At first he was angry and clearly hurt that I would hide something from him for so long when we had known eachother forever, been best friends, and now a couple. That I should have trusted him to help and support me. Then he just got super sad and quiet, and asked if he ever did something wrong to make me feel like I couldn't tell him something so important.

Now I feel like shit, more so than usual. I understand where he's coming from, I really do, and I feel bad that he feels bad, but in my head, I still wouldn't tell him if we could reverse the clocks. I just don't like anyone at all to be in my medical business, if I didn't have to tell my other doctors I wouldn't have either. I don't want him to think that it's because I don't trust him, and I've told him as much, it's just that I don't like having to tell people whats "wrong" with me because I don't want to be treated any differently. He asked if there was anything else I wasn't telling him, and I told him no, but he doenst seem to believe me.

I understand his side, and I get why he would be upset, but I also just can't get over my feelings of wanting privacy when it comes to medical stuff. Am I The Asshole for that?