My ex and I were married for 17 years. The day of our wedding MIL sobbed all day saying she was disappointed he married me. She was a "devout Catholic" when it suited her. I had been married before and had two children. Leading up to our wedding she tried everything to get us to get married in the same church she had, to pay the church to annul my first marriage, and then pay a "small fee" for my two (at this time they were 3 and 5 years old) children that would then be "born out of wedlock." All of it felt so gross, so we opted to get married at a beautiful location outdoors. This of course, was a huge source of shame for her. But she came to the wedding, so we thought things might be okay.

During our entire marriage, she never visited our home, which was 7.6 miles from hers, no matter how often she was invited. She would invite her son to family events, but not the kids and I. * And, it should be said that my kids were extremely well behaved, because they were nerdy little weirdos who preferred reading to doing just about anything else.

A couple of years after we got married I had cancer and had to have a hysterectomy, which meant no more kids for me. MIL was devastated. She told me that I had stolen her son's chance at having kids. My BIL and SIL had two kids within the four years after the Ex and I were married, and as they aged our kids got along nicely. But, of course, MIL only wanted her "real grandchildren" invited to Christmas, Easter, and other events at her home. So when the cousins would ask why my kids weren't at Christmas, my kids would say they didn't know about it. The cousins started asking if my kids could be invited, and THAT is the only time/reason they would be. When my son was around 12, he asked me why this Grandmother had pictures of everyone on her walls except them. His actual words were, "Is she mad at me?" I talked to my husband, who talked to his mom, and it turned into a full-blown fight between them. This was one of the very few times he spoke up to her. He was raising these kids as his own, and she was deliberately choosing to alienate them.

Her response? I don't have any pictures of them to put up. This was Thanksgiving. So, for Christmas Ex and the kids gave his mom a frame that included pictures of all four of her grandchildren. That woman had the audacity to remove the pictures of my kids in front of us!! That was the last time I saw her. I spent the next twelve years making plans for the kids and I to be somewhere else anytime she was having a get-together at her place. Christmas at Disney, Easter with my family out of state... you name it.

The ex and I have been divorced for 8 years, and his mother died in January. SIL reached out and told me services were being held in February and where they'd be. I chose not to go, but I did share the info with my kids (who are both adults now).

Since then, several family members have reached out to me, telling me how disrespectful it was to not go. Apparently, my Ex was pretty cut up I wasn't there, even though he didn't reach out to tell me about it.

So, AITAH for not paying my respects to a woman who consistently hurt my kids and caused innumerable fights in my marriage?