I (19 F) used to attend a school where i suffered from a lot of bullying, since i entered the school at 3 years old there was a group of girls whose pupuse was to hit and bully me, as i grew up it got worse, other girls joined in to bully me, they sang nasty songs at me, hit me, broke my toys, and at one point broke my arm by pushing me off the top of a slide. It all got to the point were in 8th grade i was the fat, wierd girl left out in the back of the class and i tried to take my own life. After that my parents decided to let me change schools and it was the best thing that has happened to me. It took years of therapy to get over what had happened, but i finally had a small group of friends that i still talk to and i love. About a month ago i received the news that i had been accepted in one of the best colleges in my country, out of town, which means i will have to move out. When i told the news to my grandma we were driving alone in my car, all of the sudden she started telling me she was very skeptical about me going to college in an other city because she knows i will likely not make any friends and be alone since that happened at school and i already have no friends due to my difficult personality (it is hard for me to fully let people in due to my trauma). When i asked her what she ment and starded naming all my friends from my second school, she went quiet for a while and told me she was only referring to my first school since it was my fault i had no friends there because i couldn't understand the other girls personality and get along with them (keep in mind that my first school is known for being a very heavy place with a lot of cases of bullying, also when i ran into an old classmate she apologized for the way i was treated). I was so devastated by what i was hearing that i just told her i didn't think it was fair for me to hear this after all those years of trauma and therapy, and that i was turning around to leave her at home.

This happened about a month ago and i don't know what to do now. I am not mad, just deeply devastated since she opened a wound that is not easy to close, nor i hate, i could never. She will always be my grandma, i loved her with all my heart and i think that is the problem, that the one person i trusted and loved the most used the greatest trauma in my life against me and hurt me deeply. I still greet her when i see her, i just keep my distance since im really hurt. My mom is taking no ones side, she says she understands my feelings, but she also says im really cold towards my grandma, that it doesn't feel the same, that my grandma is really sad and sorry about what happened (she has never reached out to talk to me about what happened or apologized, just random texts pretending nothing happened) to the point where my grandma is taking antidepressants. This conflict is also affecting my mom since she doesn't want to see us suffer. I really wish that things could go back to normal, but after hearing what my grandma told me i don't think i can be as affectionate as i was before, and i fear things migth never go back to how they were before, specially after i move out. AITAH for not being able to forgive her and pretend nothing happened?