Me (40f) and my husband (42m) have been married for 14 years, 2-3 years of which were very calm and affectionate, and then things degraded slowly, majorly due to growing argument because of my MIL. So my husband getting distant and building resentment. When we married I moved to the flat with his mother and adult brother (we bought our own flat in the meanwhile and started renovating it) until we moved to another country and live here since 13 years. She is somewhat controlling and her view of life is she raised two sons as a single mother now they have to take care of her- financially, entertain her and fill the gap for the absent partner- since she is alone. When we married she was grieving that I took his boy and control him (i.e. he was in love with me and wanted to spend time with me). She was inserting herself and trying to influence her son regarding the renovation and deco color in our new home, what flat we buy, where we rent a flat, unsolicited advise on childcare, nasty passive aggressive comments about my eyebrows, me gaining weight after childbirth, me being a bad wife to my husband and also she was extremely jealous of my cooking so on and on… I have the impression that my husband has problems telling her „No“ since when he hears what she wants or her opinions, he make them his own goals to the point that he doubts his older decisions or ignores my wishes or opinions. We have huge problems ( I want to separate) and have been visiting a family therapy since 2 years. Before going to the summer vacation to our home country ( MIL still leaves in home country and used to visit us every year) we made a commitment with the therapist, that he will be discussing with me before committing to the wishes/plans of his family. So we flew to our home country, and among other things that still went bad during the time with his family there was the following: His mother called him and told that she wanted to come by and bring some apricots she bought from street vendor. He asked me during the call if I want some apricots, I told him no, please don’t take them. He told her no, we don’t need them. They chatted another 2 minutes, he told her he is going himself to visit her anyway, she asked him- maybe you still take the apricots- he said, no thank you. And before hanging on she asked him once more if he could still rethink and take the apricots, he again denied. So guess what- he goes to her place and returns in an hour WITH the damn apricots. Now I see this as a total disrespect towards him from his mother, total disability on his side to set his own boundaries, and he tells me- „its just a small thing, how can you just not let it slide that I want to take apricots from my mummy?“ so he gaslights himself into believing it was his own wish to take the apricots.

BTW, the apricots where total garbage, beaten fruits, which I already anticipated knowing his mom, so I had to go to the store myself and buy some delicious ones.

So AITA that I see this incident as a major indicator he is unable to grow a spine and take a stand so I want out of this marriage?