This is a bit of a complicated matter and I'm going to do my best to explain it. I have 6 siblings: January (F25), February (F15), March (F12), April (F9), May (M8), June (M8).

My older sister, January, Is seven years older than me and it was just me and her until I was 10. I loved her and looked up to her as a child but she was quite abusive towards me. She would burn me, leave bruises on me, put me in danger, but as a child I never put much thought into that. She has a different dad than me (who abused her) and she would go to him for summers. She got pregnant at 15 and then married at 17 and sort of disappeared from my life. The only times she wants to talk is to get info on my mother or try to convince me she's evil (She has an vendetta against her) or to go places she wants to go. If I try to get her to go somewhere something comes up last minute. I'm just tired of playing this game with her and feeling used. I want her to care about me as a person not just what she can get from me.

When I was 11 we started the process to adopt February, March, April, and May. The three years that it took to adopt them were the hardest of my life. I was trying to get over a traumatic experience and wasn't sleeping when the 4 of them moved in. February, who used to be a good friend, who have huge meltdowns that would leave me either injured or locked in a room with 2 toddlers and 2 infants while my parents tried to calm her down. She would steal stuff, lie about me, ruin my stuff, hurt me, ect. She's 90% better now but she still lies and steals and i just don't have any forgiveness for her anymore.

March and April were scared of everything and would scream for hours every night because they were afraid of the dark. May would smear poop on the walls and pee everywhere. None of this happens and more and they are good kids even though they have so many issues but it's like an emotion barrier has been put up. As long as i know they're safe and taken care of i couldn't care less. Maybe it's that i've had to basically raise them the last 7 years. Maybe it's that i partly blame them for ruining my childhood.

is it wrong of me to feel this way? I feel like the AH but I also feel disconnected from them.