Hi there! So I am currently 21 years old (NB), and I have been dealing with quite a bit of personal struggles. I do not want to go into too many details, because quite frankly I just don't feel comfortable about talking about the situations I'm dealing with at the moment. The only way I think I could feel comfortable to talk it out is with a therapist, and two things.
1. I can't really afford that right now.
2. I'm on the spectrum, and at times it's just weird for me to be so honest about these things.

I've been dealing with it in my own way; whether it's been taking a walk to the park, or even listening to music. It hasn't been the perfect answer. Hell, it's not like a Spotify premium plan is gonna cure depression all of a sudden. However, the music has kept me stable, and kept me from full on spiraling. I feel like I can push aside all of the bullshit with a simple walk, music, and any beverage of my choice. It works for me, at least until I can eventually afford a therapist.

The problem stems from the fact that from Friday to Monday, I had been in a very bad depression spell. Granted, it had been a little wonky before, but my depression had been on/off. My parents (63F and 57M) referred to it as me being lazy, as well as my sister (31F) and my brother in law (30M). I get why they would think that, because I'm not fully open about the fact that I've been feeling it so badly. It's hard to explain to them like "hey, your kid feels like shit!" However, my mom pulled me out of my room to have a chat. She wanted to know what was going on, why I hadn't done what she needed. I figured to be honest with my mom, although I felt it was best to be a little vague as well. There are just some situations that I don't feel too comfortable talking to her about, but I just needed her to know that I felt very down. I needed her to know that my depression was a little bad, but that I'd be on top of my chores more often. She was mad at first that I kept it a little vague, but after going for my walk? We had a conversation about my depression (still kept the details vague, but a little more for her to know that I just needed time), and she seemed to come to an understanding about it all. I figured to come home not long after, and kind of relax for the rest of the night

Yesterday had been more of a chill day, where I didn't talk to my family much, but they hadn't been supremely pissed at me. They seemed to had understand, and I updated the people who needed to urgently know of what was going on. I did do a couple of doordash orders, and had a bitchy customer, but that's just that. This morning though, maybe less than 30 minutes ago? I had got into a bit of an argument with my sister. I said to my brother in law through the bathroom door that I wanted to detox from my screen, and my sister was in there. I wanted to do something today, because the only form of entertainment that I had were related to either a television screen or a computer. I wanted to see if they wanted to maybe go to the park with me, or just do something non-technology related. However, my sister had heard the word "detox", and started to flip out on me. The context of this is that she works with drug addicts and stuff; she's a nurse at an ER. I do smoke weed sometimes, but I hadn't really been smoking it for a couple of days. Hell, that's the only thing I really even remotely do nowadays (and it's not something I do everyday, think on/off every other week). She started to flip, but I had to say like "no dude, I literally mentioned that I wanted to detox from my screen". I also mentioned to her that I heard my friend say it as such, like hey detox from the screen! But then she started freaking out on me again, thinking that my friends were making me depressed. She kept trying to pry into my business, asking me what's going on. I couldn't take the confrontation, it was too much for me. So, I yelled out to her "I'm not gonna tell you anything if you keep acting like this", so then I closed the door, and locked it. I kind of feel like I need to apologize for not opening up about everything, but I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone in my family about this, especially because they all just talk. They all talk about it to each other, and then it turns into a gossip wheel. It actively affects my mental state even more, but they seem upset that I wont open up about it.

So I guess I just want to know, AITAH?