My wife (40F) and I (40M) live together for 18 years, and are married for 12. We have 2 children (10 and 3) together.

In the first 4 years of our relationship, we both worked full time. Given the low salaries and the economical situation in our country, we did not manage to save any money. One day, I received a great job offer from another country, and we moved there right after our wedding. Once moved, we arranged for my wife to learn the language (which she had studied before in school), while I could support both of us with my new, higher salary. The plan was for her to (re-)learn the language to have more opportunities to find a job and be independent. After a few months, we decided we wanted a child, and she got pregnant. This of course postponed her plan to find a job, but we are in a country with a good welfare program, that provides money and retirement contributions for pregnant women.

After the first year of our child, my wife found a job which she loved but wouldn't give her the financial independence she wanted, due to its part-time nature (40%). She decided that part-time would have been enough, so that she could support our child and their medical necessities (one/two days a month).

Over the course of the years, our relationship has changed, and so did the two of us. My career took unexpected turns - some good, some bad - but I always managed to come on top of the issues, and to make way more money then in the first few years. My wife did not consider her career a priority, instead opting for the "job that she likes". However, over time, she started realizing that her dream job was not enough to guarantee her any kind of financial independence, and voiced her frustration. I tried to support her by pointing her at various job offers I could see around, and offering help with budgeting (which she never did), to no avail.

More time passed, the medical needs of our first child kept on decreasing (1 hour of physical therapy per month, and a doctor appointment every 4 months). Our relationship started shaking, mostly due to us growing in slightly different directions, but we made an effort. We managed to buy a flat and invest some money (thanks to the money I saved), and to live a comfortable life, without luxury but with the possibility of not having to check each and every price tag before buying something.

During COVID, we decided to go for a second child, which arrived in 2022. Around the same time, our relationship started shaking again, and again my wife started voicing her lack of financial independence. Her job finally gave her an increase in working hours (to a 50% part-time), but clearly not enough. She didn't put any serious effort into finding neither a different job ("I like my job and I don't want to quit"), nor a second part-time job. By now, the medical necessities of our first child are a negligible effort.

By 2023, our relationship is showing big cracks. The same year, I am diagnosed with ADHD - which allow me to explain a whole lot of issues from the past - and I take advantage of this to try to fix my behaviour, and with that to get back to a healthy relationship. Sadly, I don't feel the same energy and commitment from my wife, and in summer 2024 she ends up asking for separation, and shortly after asking for divorce.

Since then, our children are living in our family apartment, where we spend one week each. We are now headed towards the deadline for filing for divorce, and obviously we can't agree on the main terms: the division of assets. My wife is asking for 50% of all our savings, and 50% of the profits from the sale of our apartment. I do not want to accept any of those conditions, because under family lay, we have decided for the "separation of property" regime. I am full aware that this does not justify me being a dick and not offering her _something_, however I don't feel particularly willing to be accomodating, as over the years my wife has put no effort towards her financial independence, complaining more than trying to solve the problem, and that ultimately she ended up cheating on me shortly before breaking up the marriage.

Just to clarify: all our savings, the entirety of the down payment for the apartment, the monthly repayments, the rent of our previous apartment, utilities, furniture, taxes, was always paid/funded with my income. My wife has never contributed financially to anything she is now asking for.

I have now to make a decision on which line to take during the negotiations, but I'm leaning towards the "eat shit" approach. AITA?