I have 2 kids with my fiancé. His dad’s girlfriend (been together 11 years) (we will call her Karen) our kids call grandma and that’s what she’s been for the last 3 years. We used to have a great relationship but it was a lot of her dictating and controlling our lives and me swallowing it. When I met my boyfriend he was living with them and she controlled his whole life. Once we got serious and had kids me and my fiancé started to put our finances together which left her with less control and I could tell enraged her. Eg- car& car insurance in her name(she put money that we have since paid back towards car and put the car and car insurance in her name) + phone bills . Slowly we started to finally put everything In our own names and cut the cord. If we didn’t make ourselves 100% available to her and answer her calls immediately his phone would get turned off and if we disagreed even slightly with her on even the smallest of things there would be repercussions. One time we got into a disagreement and I came out with my son in his carrier to my car not parked in the driveway because she had it towed mind you it was my first day starting my college course. So I put up with that a lot. Once she didn’t have that control anymore she would try grasping at straws and doing anything that gave her a bit of control. Recently I found out that she had been texting my daycare provider when taking my son out of daycare. I recently started working at a better job and I couldn’t take my son to his weekly speech therapy. So his grandpa started taking him and later on I realized she was also being cc’d into his weekly speech therapy homework from another one of my son’s providers. This wouldn’t have bothered me if she wasn’t already going behind my back texting his daycare teacher without even asking. This is what started the downward spiral. I asked her to refrain from texting my son’s providers because I would prefer only 2 lines of communication- me and his dad. The next week for my sons speech therapy not only did she text my daycare provider again after I had asked her not to but did not text me to let me know they were or weren’t making the appointment or when they were dropping him back off. when my fiancé asked why they didn’t text us she said “that’s stupid we don’t see that being necessary”. When my son went to speech therapy, his grandpa put on another little boys shoes instead of my sons. I found this out after they had left from a phone call from my daycare provider. I texted karen letting her know and to please have him back because the other little boy needed his shoes for when his mom picked him up. These are the text exchanges and she has somehow shifted this to me being the bad one and now I’m second guessing myself. Am I the asshole?

Btw when his grandpa dropped him back at daycare he did not throw out the shoes nor did he even buy new shoes so I’m not even sure why she would say anything of the sort.

Won’t let me post the screenshots but will post conversation word for word-

Me: Hey I just got off the phone with Rehana, she said she accidentally put the other little boys shoes on Carter and carters shoes are at her house. They’re new and today was his first day wearing them so she got them mixed up. Can you let Ken know when he gets home… not sure if he was thinking to drop him back or have him stay there for a bit but the other little boy usually leaves around 2:30 so obviously he needs his shoes back LOL

Karen:

His shoes are likely in garbage I believe Ken was buying Carter new shoes and now he’s not answering his phone

Me: He threw them in the garbage?

Karen: When he bought new ones likely

Me: Well can you give the little boy those shoes ?

Karen:

I don’t know I’m just warning you it’s a possibility He won’t do that Ask Rehana too

Me: If he threw the little boys shoes away the little boy won’t have anything to wear when it’s time to go home

Karen: Rehana can solve the problem she created

Me: What time is Ken bringing Carter back to Rehana’s?

Karen: I don’t know if he is I can’t get him to answer the phone

Me: Please have Carter back to daycare by 2:00. Thank you

Karen: It may not be possible to Ken isn’t answering his phone. Why aren’t you listening?? Get Rehana to go to store if Ken pitches them

Me:

Why am I not listening??? Your telling me your not going to have my kid back at daycare and it may not be possible because Ken isn’t answering his phone meanwhile you didn’t ask

You guys think you can tell me what your doing and when your doing it???? With my child

Have Carter back at daycare by 2:00 Tell ken since he threw away the little boys shoes the next thing that is most logical to do is to give the little boy the shoes he got Carter since Ken chose to throw away carters shoes don’t know why he’d do that when Rehana told him I just got him new shoes this morning or why he’d would throw anything away WITHOUT ASKING FIRST

Your being rude and saying Rehana created the problem I don’t care who created the problem all I care about is this other boy having shoes by the time he goes home that is the issue now

Karen:

Carter is back at daycare. We are only going to deal with Patrick going forward.

Me:

Definitely. don’t worry about taking Carter to speech therapy and we’re gunna probably keep Carter home tomorrow also. I really feel like until you guys can stop undermining my decisions as carters parent we should maybe pump the breaks. I don’t want Carter to pick up on the disrespect.