I am 13f My mom 42f My stepdad 41m My dad 53m My girlfriend 16f

My girlfriend lives 5 hours north of me and came to visit for the week of spring break. Everything has gone well while she’s been here except for a few arguments with my parents here and there.

For context before I start telling the story, I am almost 14 and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder August 2024 (right after turning 13) while I was in a psych ward (for the 3rd time that year) after trying to off myself. Before someone says “minors can’t be diagnosed with BPD” (bc Ive had that said to me before) yes, they can diagnose minors, they try not to bc it could just be hormones but if severe enough they can.

This all happened yesterday and I’ll explain the day leading up to it first.

Me and my girlfriend went fishing and my fishing pole wasn’t casting properly and I was losing my worms without even feeling a bite every time I casted my pole. This wouldn’t usually make someone so upset but because of my BPD (when something goes wrong I start getting pissed and thinking everything is bad) I started to get mad and snap at my girlfriend and we got into a small argument but nothing bad as she has always been very understanding of my BPD. A few hours later (tmi) I realized I had started my period so that added to my moodiness.

Now for context of my parents, my parents got divorced when I was 6 and court gave 50/50 custody. I go back and forth between houses based on my dad’s work schedule; which my dad has had this schedule since I was around 8.

Now more about yesterday; my dad picked me and my girlfriend up after we were done and I did get snappy with my dad but nothing bad.

Now how the argument started. My dad dropped me and my girlfriend off at my moms house and upon walking in I stated “I’m on my period and have a sunburn and it hurts, so if I’m moody I’m sorry” (this is normal in my family).

Anyhow, after walking in I started making cake because me and my girlfriend wanted to do a hear me out cake and so we decided to do it. My mom walked into the kitchen and told me that because it was 7:30 and my stepdad wanted to go to sleep (he is a very light sleeper) that I could cover up the batter and put it in the fridge until today. I “ignored” her because I have taught myself to go mute so that I don’t snap (it’s also partly because I am also diagnosed with anxiety so when I get anxious I tend to go mute and my BPD makes me get anxious more than I’d like to admit). My mom took this as me ignoring her and when I finally had enough of what I felt was her berating me (it’s worth mentioning that she is starting menopause so she is all over the place with emotions/mood as well). After I got done with her “berating” me I snapped and started yelling. My stepdad eventually got up (it is also worth mentioning that my girlfriend was still right next to me. Also worth mentioning that if me and my mom are fighting/arguing someone else getting involved will only make it worse and we have told my stepdad this multiple times but he keeps getting himself involved. Also worth mentioning he has no kids of his own). Anyhow my stepdad started yelling while my mom had her fingers in my face so I slapped them away and my stepdad started defending my mom. I started yelling about how he was yelling at me and defending my mom although in my eyes she was being a b!tch. Eventually it got to me telling him that I hoped he d!ed in his sleep and he said “you know what, I hope you do too.” I said “then I’ll go swallow some pills again” and he said “you know what I will too” I said “good” then at some point I ended up pointing out that I have BPD. He said “yes but you use that as an excuse to treat people like shit.”

I personally do not think I do. It is an actual reason as it went untreated for years because when I told people i thought I had BPD they said that I was fine and just dismissed it (I have been showing signs since I was around 6-7ish). It going untreated for so long made it worse. Anyhow, yes it is not a reason for shitty actions but also is in a way.

After that both my mom and my stepdad said that I could go back to my dad’s house (my girlfriend was still standing there and hadn’t said anything as she didn’t feel it was her place). I said “fine” then told my mom that she could d!e in her sleep too. I left the house and walked down the street then ended up dozing off on the grass in front of someone’s house, diagonal from the sheriffs house. People walked by and cars drove by but nobody said anything until my mom and girlfriend went out looking for me, found me, and my girlfriend got out of the car and started talking to me.

Some people walked by and asked if everything was okay and my girlfriend and mom both responded “yes, everything’s fine”.

Afterwards my dad walked over to where we were then 3 cops showed up and the one that talked to me the most had a huge attitude and dismissed what I was going through at one point I yelled at the cop and he said if I did it again he’d arrest me and I held out my wrist and coldly said “okay do it” (he didn’t).

Context of what happened with the cop; after my mom found me selfh@rm!ng she called the cops because she didn’t know what to do (this was around October 2023) and the cop almost sent me to the psych ward. November 2023 I attempted and got brought to the hospital. Then again August 2024.

When the cop asked my name my mom said “their name is deadname but goes by name” the cop said in a very cold and dismissive tone “oh it’s you” I said “which time were you there?” He said “you have to be more specific, which time?” (Also very rudely). Eventually my girlfriend and I started talking and she pulled me out of it after hearing the cop talk and talk in a very rude way (I was disassociating at that point so I don’t remember all that was said) but eventually the cop said “we have better things to do, make a decision” I said “can you shut up, you’re actually so annoying” after that he shut up and I chose to go to my dads house for the night to let me and my mom cool off.

This morning my mom picked me and my girlfriend up from my dad’s house and we went out to the ocean for a bit. After we got home I told my mom to tell my stepdad that he had to apologize first but to not rush it because I wasn’t and still am not sure I am ready to forgive him/hear a apology from him. Me and him have not said a word to each other all day.

My mom said “okay” and my girlfriend told me I had every right to feel like that but my dad kind of dismissed it and didn’t really seem like he felt I should wait for my stepdad to apologize first.

I don’t want this to go on for long but I do need time because my stepdad is a grown man and told a 13 year old that he hopes I die in my sleep. Yes I said it first but he is an adult (41). I understand he doesn’t have any of his own children but he has been with my mom for 8 years (no on and off just straight relationship). I know I messed up and I take fully responsibility for that. I also talked to my brother in-law and he told me he doesn’t think I use my BPD as an excuse but as a crutch (as in I use it as something to lean on bc I know it will always be there but I don’t use it to excuse my behavior and I do take accountability as much as I can, yes I can do better but I am working on it).

I feel bad for not talking to my stepdad but I feel I have a right to 1 want a apology first seeing as he is an adult and 2 not be ready to accept an apology as he is a grown man and although he has never said anything like that before, it still hurt and caught me off guard.

AITAH and was I too hard on the cop?