i (24f) was raised by my dad and stepmom. my bio mom left when i was 4. not “moved away” left — like full ghost, no calls, no letters, no birthdays, nothing. apparently she just “couldn’t handle being a mom” and moved across the country to “start fresh.” that’s the story i was told.

fast forward to last year. she reached out to me through instagram. no apology. just “hey sweetie, i’d love to reconnect :)” as if she hadn’t vanished from my life like a vapor trail. i ignored it. a few months later, she sends a long email about how she’s been in therapy and “finally ready” to be my mother again.

i told her i didn’t want a relationship. she begged. said she wanted to explain herself in person. i eventually agreed to coffee. she cried, told me she was “broken” back then, and begged me to give her a chance. i said we could talk, but that she’s not my mom—she’s my biological mother, but not my mom. that title belongs to the woman who raised me, kissed my scraped knees, and stayed up with me through panic attacks.

she got super upset. said she “earned” the right to be called mom just by giving birth to me, and that i was being “cold” and “cruel.” my dad thinks i should keep my distance. but now my bio mom’s family is blowing up my messages saying i’m being heartless and punishing her for something she “couldn’t control.”

i didn’t yell at her. i didn’t make a scene. i just said “you’re not my mom.” and that was apparently too much.

aitah?