Okay here we go. In spring 2023 I (24f) started working a new job. A few months later, the company had a massive lay off and I lost my job. I had a crush on my manager (28m) while I had worked there and took the opportunity to “slide in those DMs” since I was no longer employed. We began a very intimate relationship. Sleeping together, always at one another’s place, holidays w the family, he came to my college graduation, etc. He was still employed at the company and kept our relationship “private”. What he meant is he kept it a complete secret. Fast forward to summer 2024 and the company reaches out while I’m between jobs to ask if I wanted to work there again. I discussed this with partner/former manager and he said there was no issue. When I started, he told me not to tell HR about our relationship basically bc he didn’t want to deal with the consequences. I have now been back at the company for 9 months and have mentioned us both reporting to HR more than once. Now, I found out through a coworker (oblivious to our intimate relationship) that he had slept with another coworkers roommate a few weeks ago. In essence, he cheated on me, lied to me, and convinced everyone else to keep it hush hush. Someone spilled the beans though and I found out anyway. Partner never confessed, but I only found out last night and haven’t been able to confront him. Today he out of the blue asked me to return his key and told me that my stuff would be available to pick up from his house. Again to summarize: he cheated, lied, and then dumped me via text while I was AT WORK.

I am aware of my own culpability in lying and not self reporting sooner, but I loved this man and really thought he loved me too so when he said he didn’t want to lose his job because of me I lied for him. Now it feels like he’s intentionally taking advantage of the situation and thinks he can “get away with it” somehow. Would I be the asshole for reporting to HR now that the relationship is over? Clearly this is retaliatory, but nonetheless is it justified?

I go back to work on Monday and will need to decide this weekend if I want to report. Regardless, working directly with him knowing what I know and feeling how I feel will be fucking hard. Will reporting be worth the headache?

Thanks in advance. Please be kind 😭 as petty as I may seem in this post I am fucking devastated and just found out I wasted 18 months of my life on someone with less than zero respect for me.