We are both 29(f) and have been friends forever (10 years) she just started seeing a mutual friend and he’s about to go into the military. They have history of being family friends and are very comfortable with one another but in the past his behavior was less than great and they had to break it off because of that (several years ago). Now, they’ve been a thing (not official) for about a month. Also, both of our families are dog shit; just for context.

She comes over and jokingly mentions “he has been stuffing her constantly”, then says “with food! Haha” I said, speaking of, what are you guys doing for birth control?? She said, nothing?….. I was gagged. The context is that she has had 2 or 3 miscarriages and 1 abortion and had a pregnancy scare because of her recent ex just a week ago….. I have been there for her throughout it all but it’s a huge thing for her. I take care of her, talk to her, listen to her cry etc. ALSO she has an unmanaged seizure disorder from covid that doctors still haven’t managed to figure out how to treat effectively. She has multiple daily and she has mentioned she fears them worsening into true full body seizures rather than just felt in her head.

I tried to save my judgment and said “you know I think that’s insane but do you, not my pumpkin not my patch” and she pressed me, “I can feel how pissed you are, but what’s wrong? He’s just pulling out”. I said, “I would like you to tell me why this would bother me, why would I think this is a bad idea” and she refused to answer. She pivoted and said, “what would be so wrong about having a baby?” I said, “as two people who have struggled with mental health our entire lives because our parents rushed into having kids and did not care for us properly I don’t know why you couldn’t just wait 1 year” she said “well it’s not like we’re trying right now!” And I replied “the issue is that you’re not well, you’re still a kid- (she just moved into her first apartment by herself 2 months ago and she’s in school for her bachelor’s and works full time) -and you know getting pregnant is not something difficult for you”. She said “i’m not a child, and I said “if you were to accidentally get pregnant right now, you would not get rid of it right?” she said no, not if it were his. I said exactly, you will get pregnant and I’m very frustrated because it hasn’t been 6 months with him. He’s about to leave for basic. She’s physically unwell WITHOUT a massive physical stressor like pregnancy. It just all feels SO irresponsible and she ended the conversation by saying, “I guess I just won’t tell you anything about my sex life, you’re pissing me off and i’m gunna go” I said, “okay, but I really hope you heard me. I love you, goodnight” and I wrote it all down in my journal.

Please help me understand this, I hate feeling like i’m being judgmental but Jesus christ this is just plain old self sabotage, self harm, and worst of all it would be perpetuating the cycle we both grew up damaged because of. Please help me get some perspective or guidance on how I need to move forward. If she were to get pregnant, as someone as close as her sister, and with him gone, I would basically be implicated to pick up the slack for where she inevitably would need it. She’s not even entirely sure of her financial standing confidence (none of us really are since we are all going to hell in a hand-basket here in the US).

Thank you in advance,