Long story, 2.5 years in the making so. Buckle in I guess. Missing some details I added to the end because I do not remember exactly when they happened in relation to all the other events.

I (25 FTM) met my ex (24M) as a hookup on Christmas eve in 2022. We ended up getting along well, so I kept seeing him. He doesn't have a car or a license, so I always was the one making the 2 hour trip. He ends up leaving the apartment he's at for valid reasons in the summer, and moving in with his grandparents temporarily. Who also live 2 hours away, just in a different direction. He used to walk to his job from his apartment, but with no car he no longer has a job at this point.

I continue to see him, and end up talking to my family about letting him move in with us because he had been sleeping on the floor in their basement. They agree, I move him in with us. He lived with us for a month, and my family was rather tired of him not working. I had a rather large argument with him over the fact he wasn't sending out any job applications. He eventually gets a job after I take him to a handful of interviews.

A week before he starts, he decides he wants to fly overseas to go live with his parents on a visitors visa. I was deeply hurt, and felt abandoned. He promised he would get a job under the table there and send me a little bit of money to help bills while he was there. He promised he would call me at least once a week, and play online games with me. Not a single one of those things happened over the next 6 months. I broke up with him a few times, mostly because I was tired of having the same conversation over and over again. He had no job, no school, nothing. For 6 months, all he did was sleep and occasionally play DND. I begged him for attention, but he somehow could never find the time.

He told me he was coming back because his visa was up, and he wanted to see me. I agreed, and we made plans to stay at a hotel together for 3 days. A week before he came back, an ex reached out to me for help and I accepted. We had left on good terms with each other. I ended up staying the night with him.

While staying at the hotel, my ex read my diary without my permission. And did not tell me. Acted as if everything was relatively normal. He had planned to go visit some friends in another state and and find a place to live there, but with no job and no pay stubs, I told him that was insanely unrealistic and we should look for a place together. We ended up living with my father (separate from my adopted family, who did not want that man at their house ever again), and sleeping on the floor in one of his spare rooms together.

My father finds us an apartment, and it's a great deal. I snatch that thing up IMMEDIATELY. This is when he finally tells me he read my journal. I told him that I would be fine with whatever he decided to do moving forward. He decided he wanted to go through with moving in together. I bought all of the furniture in the apartment, all of the dishes and cookware. Everything that I didn't buy myself was a gift, for me, from a family member. He bought 3 items for the apartment, and a few pieces of cookware.

At the time, I was fine with it. We moved in together under the agreement that he paid the rent, and I covered the utilities. He made 2x as much as I did, and I had car payments and insurance that he didn't have to pay for. Two months into living together, his father has a medical emergency. He flies out immediately to ge with him, and he's gone for 2 weeks.

I'll admit that I was wrong for doing this. I had never once lived alone before, and the apartment was killing me. So, I got a dog. Without asking him. I had been telling him that I wanted a dog pretty much since we met, but this was out of hand for me. I don't regret it though, she's been my lifeline through everything so far.

Then I got a new job at Starbucks, and I made a lot more money. It only last for 3 months before I ended up crashing out. My coworkers didn't really get along with me, and I was frequently overwhelmed with how much there was to do. I quit on my birthday. I started applying for a new job, any job, immediately.

The only thing I asked of him during this time was to cover all of our groceries. All of my portion of the bills were still paid aside from that. It took me a month to find a job, and it only paid minimum wage at that. So I did my budget, showed it to him, and told him I could only afford X amount of groceries per week. He said okay.

I keep looking for other jobs while I work at the one I just got. Thankfully, I found one I really like. I started this job in January, and while the pay isn't much better, I am much happier and feeling less depressed at work.

A month into my new job, he breaks up with me. He says he cannot see himself marrying me, and that he lost the spark. This man has not taken me out on a date since he lived in his own place, well over a year and a half ago at this point. I have tried the facilitate dates or send him events/ideas, but he consistently shut me down because he was too tired from work.

I told him that I really don't want to be friends, as he was a selfish and neglectful partner throughout our entire relationship. If that's how he treated his partner, how much worse would being his friend be? I wanted to work it out anyways, to see if I could get him to put effort into the relationship and maybe things would finally get better. But. It didn't.

The last 2 months I have been friendly, kind, we even slept together once. He eventually moved into the spare room after breaking it off, and I let him use the futon I had bought for our living room as his bed. My desk was already in there for his DND sessions on his laptop. I told him I would be willing to help him go pick up a bed when he had the money. He never took me up on it.

It all came to a head 2 nights ago. I knew he had headed out, but he didn't tell me that he wouldn't be coming home that night. I wasn't super worried, as he's spent nights out until 3am drinking before. It wasn't unusual. What was unusual was that he wasn't home when I woke up. I hadn't received any messages from him either. I tried to call him. but his phone went straight to voicemail. I knew he probably was just sleeping with some girl, but I was still a little worried.

I ended up texting one of his coworkers, whose number I had gotten while at a Christmas party. Coworker said he wasn't in the schedule for work today. Which meant I couldn't use that as a point on whether or not to report him missing the next day. I texted my ex and told him that if I hadn't heard from him, I would be filing a missing persons report thr next day. I was getting really worried that something might have happened to him.

Around 3pm, he texted me that he's okay. He then proceeds to reprimand me for texting his coworker, because he likes to keep his professional and personal lives separate. I knew he goes out drinking with them after work sometimes, so I thought they might have known where he was / if he was okay. I was already at work at the time, and it had made me rather upset. If I had disappeared and not come home overnight, I am 100% certain he would have freaked out. So it felt like a double standard that I didn't appreciate because it came from a place of care.

Later that day, at the end of my shift, a dog passed. I ended up staying late to help my coworker with the procedure, and to make sure everyone who needed to be called was called. I texted him when I realized I would be late, asking him to please walk and feed the dog, I don't know when I'll be able to come home.

He went out again, presumably right after he texted me that he had come home. And he didn't feel like going back home to help me with the dog. He told me he'd take her out in the morning when he got back. (Important Note: Unless it was for work, this man has not ever ONCE been awake before noon). I said whatever, I'll figure something else out. Glad to know getting pussy is more important than an animal's wellbeing. I then ask him if he put up the trash, as sometimes my dog will get into and eat trash. He said no.

That made me start to panic, honestly. A dog had literally just passed (of natural causes), so all I could think of was my dog getting into the trash and choking on something. I ended up leaving work an hour late and rushing home, terrified I'd come home to my best friend dead. She was thankfully fine, and had not gotten into the trash. But I was already so riled up, it was just the last straw.

I took my dog out, fed her, and then had a drink. I went into his room, and took back all of my furniture. I was respectful of his things, as I was upset but I did not want to break anything of his. I took the shelf he was using for his clothes. the desk he had been using for his laptop. the futon he had been using for a bed. the nightstand my father got me for Christmas. All of it. I felt insane. I was genuinely having some kind of nervous breakdown.

Not once did he check on me that night. Or ask about if my dog ate anything out of the trash. He didn't even come home until 3pm the next day, just to get ready for work. I hadn't told him anything. I heard him crying in his room. He cracked open my door to say he was sorry, and that was really it.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1W60nXh0bK9X1KIkEocUbxnkQNHHor9kB

This is a full record of our conversation last night, as to not twist any of his words or my own. I am grey, and he is the dark blue.

Added context: I have a history of SH under extreme duress. I have been in therapy for nearly 2 years now, and I have only relapsed 3 times since we have been together. He is an alcoholic who has drank every single night since I've known him, though he has never been aggressive or violent towards me physically. He also broke up with me after a fight where he went over to the house of a female coworker without telling me. He did tell me he was going out, but did not specify where or with who. He only told me after the fact on his way home.

TLDR: My ex broke up with me, wanted to stay friends and continue living together. He consistently wouldn't communicate and I had to argue with him to get him to help clean. He never bought his own furniture and broke down when I took all of mine back. He then blows up at me, and I reiterate to him that I told him before I couldn't be his friend, even if I cared about him and was being kind.