For some context, I am a 23 year old who lost his mother at 18, and since my parents were divorced, I had reduced contact with my father till she was alive, (English is not my first language so I’m sorry if that sounded rude,) Once she unfortunately passed away from a cardiac arrest, my asshole of a stepfather left me and my younger brother, (then 14), to be looked after my grandfather, (then 81).

Although life dealt us a pretty shitty hand, we were fortunate enough to come from money, as my grandfather had built quite the portfolio after retiring from his medical practice. So while he spent away his retirement years taking care of two teenagers, my father slowly started to step up. It was still the three of us, (my brother and I plus my grandfather) and our relationship had been healing over the years.

However, recently, I uncovered a pretty big anomaly in my grandfather’s financials owing to a few greedy insurance agents that had tied him up to too many policy premiums without correctly explaining the payment term. It’s also important to note that my father has NO context about his ex-father in law’s financial’s owing to the divorce.

When I was having a meeting with the higher ups at this bank to discuss a way to make the payment term reduced because of unethical advice on their agent’s part, my father happened to be visiting our home. (He has always lived separately).

After looking at the scale of the issue, it has really invoked panic in him owing to his financial background being vastly different. But that’s not the issue. The issue arised when he reached out to these bankers on his own to demand an answer sooner, something I feel like he should not have done at all, especially without asking me (since everything is approved by my grandfather first.)

My grandad has a brainstroke (pca infarct) last year, and that has partly contributed to this mess as he made investments in that headspace without informing us about his difficulties understanding things. But my point is, I do not want anyone to undermine his decisions or thoughts as to the matter since it is all his money at the end of the day.

So I got frustrated at my father and I told him I was discussing these things with him to get advice from him, not to act on his own in a matter that is NOT for him to deal with. He did not take it well at all, scoffed and hung up on me. He hasn’t replied to my calls in 2 days either. The only reason I got so vigilant is because my dad has been an alcoholic (reason behind the divorce) and makes impulsive decisions on the fly. So I really didn’t want him to upset the insurance agency when they have given us a timeline of action on their end. He undermined that timeline and I was not okay with that, since it was undiscussed with anybody else.

He won’t reply or pick up calls, part of me feels he’s being really childish but part of me also would love to keep this relationship I have built with my estranged father going in the right direction. I didn’t get the opportunity to right the wrongs with my mother but I sure hope I do so with my dad. Still, am I the asshole or are these texts justified?

My texts to him:

Please understand when it is something you do not have full context about and I am dealing with that taking things in your own hands is not the way to go. Especially when I clearly said I am handling it.

Even if you want to speak to him regarding something I don’t have a problem, but it obviously first needs to be discussed with me right?

Even I do not make any decisions around this insurance issue alone, everything involves both me and Nana, only because the judgement of many is better than that of one person. Not because of anything else.

I know your actions will only help, but please see I am also okay with it because Nana has to be informed about everything at all times. Anyhow, please call whenever free and let me know what the conversation was, I hope you understand