Not sure really where to start with this one so I'll try to be somewhat brief with the series of events. I'm 31 she's 30

We've been together for 7 years, when we met she had no debt. After about a year of being together, she moved in with me at my parents house (rent free). From there I started noticing she had terrible spending habits in my opinion. She would go and get a rental car just to have a new vehicle to drive for over the weekend and she would put that on her credit card obviously. She would take vacations all the time out of state and rent a hotel to have a fun-filled weekend. Also charged on the credit card.

And it got to the point where she racked up. Maybe $1,500 on that card. Covid happened, she lost her job and she decided she didn't want to work and lived off of her savings for about 2 months around the time when we got the first stimulus check. Her savings went to zero.

She's had multiple jobs since I've met her and has hated every single one of them and usually quits. Maybe eight or nine jobs through our relationship. The money started to become a problem when we started getting serious and talking about getting engaged. My main thought was that her debt will become mine and I knew she was racking up hers and paying up the bare minimum so I started encouraging her to start paying it down. There was arguments with that which ultimately led to nothing, she started hiding her purchases from me. One time I caught her in a lie where she said she was at with her family on a vacation and she actually just went on a vacation solo just her. She did other things too like take a vacation to Florida and claim that her sister was going to pay for it when she didn't.

Now without giving you every detail, where 7 years in, were engaged, she has three credit cards pulled out, one of them is maxed out at 15 Grand, and then she's got two other cards that are pretty much at 2 Grand a piece. On top of that she has student loans and a car loan. Maybe 60/70 Grand in total debt?

It got to the point now where her minimum payment is $400 a month and she's struggling to meet the payments. She was literally crying from it because now she's living paycheck to paycheck. It's at the point now where I don't want to get married because the money problem is never addressed. I'm fine with us being as we are, but I don't want to be the one to take over her payments for her when she has no interest in either stopping or paying them herself. And not to mention she lies about the finances.

I told her this in a nicer way basically saying I need her help, if we ever have kids or something and she has to stay home to take care of the kids I'd have to pay for everything and I wouldn't be able to afford it. After much arguing she got a second job. And she's completely miserable now. Like seriously a miserable person. She comes home angry, she wakes up angry, she snaps at almost anything I do and now she's calling out of her second job all the time which kind of defeats the purpose of having a second job.

For the record, I have no debt. No car loans. No credit cards. But I'm by no means rich.

She spins this on me and says that I'm controlling with money, the only thing I care about is money, and that I don't care about her mental well-being. She always just tells me (we'll figure it out) without ever actually having a plan.

There's been several purchases when we got our first apartment that she was supposed to help me go half on simple things like a couch and so on. I bought those things and put it on my credit card and she never helped. I got stuck paying for all those things. Which are now paid off.

The money is a huge problem for me. I also know it's a leading factor for divorce. And I don't want to get married just to have a divorce later when I already know this is an issue for me now.

Every time I bring it up though, it gets spun on me like I'm a bad person for telling her these things. She says things like " it's always my fault. You always blame me"

It got to the point where I told her I couldn't pay for our wedding alone and that I would need her help. And instead of wanting the wedding or wanting to save money she said forget the wedding and just get married at City Hall. That's not what I want to do. And I feel like that's a cop-out just so she doesn't have to save money.

Idk. Am I an asshole?