My mom (50F) and her ex (55M) broke up over 10 years ago. They were never married or had kids and were on and off for years. I knew him from my (19F) childhood, but he was a serial cheater and couldn’t stay loyal to her. She put up with his cheating and would often wake me up as a kid at late hours of the night to essentially stalk his whereabouts, making me check if he had any girls at his house. Even as a kid, I found it ridiculous. She put up with the cheating for a while before officially cutting him off.

They recently reconnected last Christmas after he was in the process of divorcing another woman. He used her for her emotional labor and she eventually started hanging out with him in person again, even going as far as buying him expensive gifts. Obviously, this was one sided. I always internally judged these decisions because I couldn’t comprehend how she was okay with being a liability and even being in the presence of someone who cheated on her so many times. When I’d ask why she even gave him attention, she’d justify it by saying that she’s forgiven him and that they have a special connection I could never understand. To me, it’s a whole lot of coping, but to each their own right?

He eventually ended up ghosting her (as I predicted and tried warning her about). Tonight, she brought up that she found out via his instagram that he has a new girlfriend. The kicker is that his new girlfriend is a student of his (profession left anonymous for obvious reasons). On top of that, she’s about two decades younger than him. Then, she proceeds to show me how she went and stalked the new woman’s instagram, saved her photos to her phone, and was excessively looking her up on those people search websites to find out her profession. I bluntly told her that her behavior was creepy, and it was infuriating that she still continues to give this man her energy, going as far as to stalk his new girlfriend? I also said that he genuinely owes her nothing, since they never got back together officially. He just used her to get through a divorce. My main arguments are that he’s a serial cheater, never cared about her, made a fool out of her multiple times, etc. She started crying and told me “You’re such a fucking bitch.” before storming off.

From my POV, I was giving her tough love. Since my childhood, I’ve watched her give this man so much unnecessary attention and energy, and seeing that she was stalking him (and the new girl) just pissed me off to a new extent. I honestly feel like she needed to hear it after all these years. I told this story to my partner and he said I was too harsh and mean to her. He said I should apologize and that she’s clearly hurt and jealous and deserves grace. He also said I was extremely rude and my commentary was unneeded. AITAH?