Hello reddit, I (34M) am married to the love of my life T (36M) for 2 years, T was married before to a woman, let's call her Lily (35F), whom he shares has a son (6M) and a daughter (4F) with. He and Lily got married because she got pregnant and their parents forced them to get married. My dad (60M) cheated on my mom (58F) with my setpmom (49F) and they got divorced. Stepmom was already married before, but she has a whole narrative of how my dad was the man of her life and that her ex was trash, so, she basically judges EVERYONE who got divorced and re-married (she doesn't include herself in this btw). So that is what is happening now.

When I announced that me and T were getting married, she suggested that her nephew (8M) and her niece (6F) be the ring bearer and flower girl (she didn't knew my husband was married before). I told her that those places were already being occupied with my husbands kids, she went ballistic, saying that I was crazy for marrying a guy in the first place and now that "dirty race" will be in the family. She continued to yell and ended up with her slapping me. I ignored all of it until she started to call my stepkids "not real family" which infuriated me to no end and I decided to give her a piece of my mind, during a family dinner stepmom continued her speech about how those kids aren't supposed to be there because they aren't family and then I said "Well, looking by that logic, you and your kids shouldn't be here. Since you were already married before." And she went crazy, screaming at me and crying about how she just wants to be included in the family.

The next day, my father called and started to berate me for making stepmom cry and that I own her a apology and I asked if she was going to apologize to my stepkids and he said that I was the wrong one here but I said I wouldnt, many of my aunts and uncles are saying that I should apologize to her and to not make her sad since she already feels unwelcome since me and my sister didn't accept her as our mother and now I'm doubting my decision.

So reddit, Am I in the wrong here?