I (22F) have been with my bf (20m) for 6 months. (Btw sorry for my english it's not my first language). The thing is, I feel like IATA for sometimes suspecting that my bf has got an ED. For some context, I'm 5'6 (1,67cm) and 127lbs, my weight fluctuates around 56-58kg, and he is 5'7 and I estimate he's around 52kg. Before you say anything, I know he is not THAT skinny, in fact he is tiny-ish average looking and you may think it's my insecurities projecting.

I've never been the type of girl that worries about her weight (like ever) I always eat what I want and I've never struggled with this topic. I'd say I've always had a high self-esteem, I mean I look pretty average for a girl my height, I have a pretty accentuated waist, I'd say my only insecurities are my wide hips that make me look a little bit extra curvy and my lower belly that often makes me look bloated, but either way I have a pear shape and a narrow rib cage so that makes up for it. On the other hand, he has mentioned that he feels he might have a young bone age as he looks like a 16y/o. When he said that, of course my reaction was like "no way you are perfect!" As I would never make him feel lees or say anything that may affect his self-esteem. He also once mentioned to my uncle over a dinner conversation that he might weight around 62-60kg (the sad thing is that I didn't believe him and honestly, by how he said it, i don't think he believed it either) I actually think he was referring to his past weight that he gained over quarantine when he was very invested in lifting weights and doing calisthenics, as he has mentioned proudly many times at the course of our relationship.

Anyways, I could recall some moments that have stuck in my head since we were just getting to know each other. For example, the first time I went to his house, he showed me a mini gym he has in one of the rooms so jokingly, I started lifting some weights bragging about the time I went to the gym the week before (he knows I've only been to a gym maybe 2 or three times in my life), and then he bought us McFlurry ice creams. When I finished eating mine he was halfway done, and he jokingly said "sorry if I'm eating slowly, it's just that I feel like a pig beside you since I saw you earlier at the gym". I just laughed and took it like a sarcastic joke, so I didn't think much of it, and later I found out he is genuinely a VERY slow eater (he gets full very easily). The second time I went over, we were at a family dinner when his sister (who is my age and very skinny as well but not in a ed way, she actually looks fit and like she takes care of herself) served me a very tiny piece of cake, like a reasonable portion but less than the average amount. My boyfriend who wasn't my boyfriend yet at the time, was sitting right next to me and said "Sorry, they served you a very large piece" but as he said it laughing and in a teasing way, almost kind of embarrassed (and mind you the slice of cake was objectively small) I thought again, he was being sarcastic. Until he followed it up with, "You don't have to eat the whole thing if you don't want to." Well, it's obvious he was raised in a family that doesn't eat much; in fact, they're all quite thin compared to my family (they all have medium complexion, but we do enjoy hearty meals). But that's not the problem. You see, from the moment I met him, I could see he was quite thin and perhaps someone who could be considered "petite." Even at first, you could tell he was someone who might feel a little insecure in that sense, but nothing that would escalate into a more serious issue, at least.

Since then, every time he takes off his shirt, I must admit I'm amazed at how narrow his torso is, the same with his legs and shoulders. But again, I've never done or said anything to make him feel insecure, quite the opposite. I always tell him how attractive he is and how much I like everything about him, and on the other hand he has told me on occasions that I don't need to go to the gym since "I am already fit", and whenever he can, he buys me food or feeds me, even suggesting we cook together. However, there's always this issue: whenever we eat, he's not even halfway through the meal before he starts eating listlessly, and it's obvious he's forcing himself to eat so he doesn't leave half the plate unfinished. I always finish first and his portions are smaller than mine's (my portions aren't even that big, they're what would be considered normal for a normal person, maybe a little more, since I enjoy eating); but what disconcerted me the most isn't just the fact that he can easily go a whole day without eating (he's even told me that if no one offers him something to eat throughout the day, he could go a whole day without eating), it's when he told me that his body can't go over 1,000 calories, and that he feels that after that amount, his body can't digest any more. 1000 IS NOT EVEN MY CALORIE DEFICIT.

Given all this, I can never feel thin enough now, I’ve actually lost 4 kilos since we’ve been together (obviously not his fault, I know it’s all in my head), but every now and then I’m reminded of comments he’s made like he once said “I like them skinny” or another time he baked me a brownie and cookies for Valentine’s Day. Of course as soon as my fat ass thought of it, I said it would be even more delicious if I eat it with ice cream and Nutella since I had some at my house, to which he responded with “that’s a shame I know how much you love Nutella! I actually thought about adding it but felt like it would be too much and too greedy", (like why do you care its not like I'm on a diet and I'm the one eating it :( . Even my friends have mentioned that he’s probably lighter than me, even when I mention the conversation with my uncle where he said he weighs 132lbs, they even tell me they think that estimate is false (they say this with the intention of being totally honest as I asked them, so please don’t come after them with that they’re bad friends for trying to make me feel insecure). Anyways, I know that we are in times where these types of superficial things don’t matter, and that it’s rather retrograde thinking that your male partner should be bigger, I’m not saying that it’s wrong that I look bigger than him, but it makes me wonder if I’m wrong for thinking that way, since honestly rather than a concern for his health; because I have genuinely been very impressed by how a person can eat so little, especially being a man (for obvious biological reasons); I've found myself in a situation where I get annoyed every time we eat together, and I have to admit that it bothers me look and feel heavier than him, when I myself am not even a person who can be considered "big." I know that beauty and physique are subjective and not entirely important.

But I find myself in a constant dilemma: am I genuinely concerned about his health because I suspect he may have ED? or is he just someone who isn't a big fan of food, actually has a certain type of body that doesn't require more than 700 calories per day and I'm just projecting my insecurities and gaslighting myself into thinking I'm concerned for his mere health? Although I think it might be a little bit of both, I would be too worried if the first option were the case, since I love him so much and I would really like to help him. Anyway, am I exaggerating? Because again, I've never been a person who cares about diet, so I'm not very informed about the subject, such as how many calories food contains and how many each body type needs. Therefore, I would really appreciate some insight from someone who's like my boyfriend and would like to share their perspective with me. I would really appreciate it. I apologize for the length of this post; I think I just needed to get this off my chest since I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this.