So my bf has two nieces and one nephew but has a strong preference for the eldest girl (8yo). He’s very affectionate and will often hug and tease her by taking her toys when she’s not looking and tickling her when she notices. I thought he was just a good uncle and saw her as the child he’d never have, but sometimes I wonder if it crosses a line.

We recently saw a movie w his sister in law and niblings and the eldest sat next to him with me on his other side. A few times he would put his arm around her and rest his head on hers, and when she would move he would do the same to me while she cuddles his arm. I thought they were being cute but I was a little icked that he was cuddling me in the same way when he and I don’t usually do much pda beyond holding hands and an occasional side hug.

Recently at a family friends gathering she climbed in his lap and he massaged her back and hugged and kissed her head and back occasionally rubbing his face on her while quietly groaning. It was very unsettling to me to the point that I had a visceral reaction and looked around the table in a panic. Her parents were sitting in front of us and there were at least 5 other adults at the table but no one seemed concerned so I guess it’s normal to them.

I was never allowed to have boundaries as a child and was s/a’d by my moms bf so I wouldn’t know the line between a good touch and a bad touch when it comes to family. My bf tells me it’s just how they show their affection and she’s just being extra doting because she’s jealous of me. They’re both “very cuddly people”, and considering his mom hugged me the first time we met I’m inclined to believe his whole family likes touch. Touch is also one of my love languages so I can understand this to a degree, but I feel like one shouldn’t touch their niece in the same way they touch their s/o. Am I just having a weird trauma response to normal wholesome family dynamics or is he taking things a little too far? If it’s normal how do I stop being triggered by the intensity?

He’s a really incredibly kind partner and has been so patient w me. Even if he is crossing a line I don’t think he’s doing it intentionally. I just want clarity.