My bf and I live together for about 2 years now. His 5 year old daughter is here every other week, 50/50 custody. I am very much primary caregiver for the child for reasons that don't matter, i get her dressed, to and from school, make her meals, put her to bed, and am the only one to discipline her for anything. Her dad has guilt for not being with her mom and wants her time here to be "fun" .

Today my boyfriend and I were in the back yard for about 20 mins while child was inside. I get back inside and see our 1 year old puppy shaking, sitting in the corner, and he had peed and pooped himself. The puppy wears a training collar (I do not support or agree, my boyfriend makes him wear it) that has 3 buttons, beep, vibrate and shock. We have been training the puppy with the beep and vibrate buttons. My boyfriend had left the remote on the coffee table and when we got back inside it was on the floor. I told my bf to ask his daughter if she was playing with it. She at first lied and said no, and then when her dad said she needed to tell the truth, she said she was pushing all the buttons. He said to her "well you scared the dog so you can't do that" and left it at that. I yelled from the other side of the house that she needs to come in here and look what she did to the dog, who is shaking in his own piss and shit because of what she did. He then comes out and says I have no right to yell at her over an accident, and that I need to apologize to her because i "terrified her". I said I did not yell at her, and I am not apologizing.

I left with the puppy to get my grocery order and came back 20 minutes later and she is skipping and singing around the house. Clearly "terrified". (The dog was still shaking at the point)

He again says I need to apologize to her. He let her stay up past her bedtime and gave her ice cream because "she was so good today" about an hour after the puppy was shocked to the point he shit and pissed himself.

Even if it was an accident, which she isn't aloud to touch the remote, she probably traumatized this puppy, and should feel bad about what she did. That's how you learn, by feeling negative emotion. I feel seeing what she did to the dog was not at all an outrageous request, but it's causing WW3 here. I am seriously considering ending the relationship.