Burner account.

I (M29 - don't know whether this is relevant, but I'm autistic and tend to see only my side of everything) am married (F30) and we have a kid (2yo). Giving birth to this kid was my wife's dream, and since we've became parents, emigrating to Europe from South America became her new dream.

Since my work is related to IT and hers to accounting, the best shots we have is me finding a job in Germany, which I assume is the best IT European market nowadays. To have even a better shot, I started German lessons in 2022, but haven't had much progress since (weekly classes and hadn't had the discipline to study apart from the classes - because of attention deficit disorder, which is being medically treated for a month now); I'd say that I'm still at the A1 proficiency level today, even after 80 lessons so far.

The problem resides in: we had agreed last year with me going to Germany with a job-seeker visa next trimester (Q3) while she stayed here with our toddler, and we were committed until today right before I said I wouldn't go anymore because of our child. Told her that I would miss our child a lot and wouldn't bear being far away from all I've been experiencing from parenthood.

I've been thinking of this decision carefully for a week now, because it got in its 'final lap' of getting things ready to go (going after the visa, signing contracts [health insurance, language school] or even buying plane tickets), and I cannot even think of being apart from my child for 4 months so I could get better German proficiency (weighted almost everything in an imaginary scale: 1 month apart or being unemployed for a year, and things like that).

Thing is: we do not have that much money (converting 50% of our reserves to EUR would keep me enrolled in intensive courses for 4 months + living expenses) and the job market here and in Germany are currently not that wonder, so for me it's not worth the risk since we are, in my point of view, well-established where we live today (13 minimum wages monthly), besides the fact I would need at least 6 months of intensive language course (20 hours/week) + immersion in order to get B2/C1 to compete fairly for a job opportunity with other fellow candidates. Another point is: I think there is no problem to live where we are now, and my only motivation to emigrate was to make my spouse happy.

My wife argued with me this night, saying that I've ruined her dream and if she was me she would do it differently and that she can't trust me anymore (this last part I understand and fully agree, as I recognize I've committed to only just say 'cannot go on anymore'). BUT, in my point of view, everything we put in other's hands, even in our spouse's, is risky, even more when talking about dreams, so she shouldn't had held me almost fully responsible for her dream. Another thing is we didn't plan to have our child nor had any plans of emigrate before getting pregnant, so our historical plan is not having a plan for anything.

PS: I'm hearing her gagging because she over-medicated herself as I typed this.

Long story short: I've committed with my wife to find a way to emigrate legally for 3 years and I'm chickening today because I am not willing to be far from my kid for 4 months, ruining my spouse dreams. AITAH?