Hi everyone, I’m a 24-year-old guy and I’ve been told (and honestly, I can see it myself) that I’m very unattractive. I have a mild facial deformity, and while it’s not medically serious, it makes me look… well, kind of repulsive. I’ve come to terms with it to some degree, but it’s still hard.

Recently I opened up to a friend of mine (29M, also single) about how lonely I’ve been feeling. I told him I wish I could experience a relationship or even just some form of intimacy. His response really threw me off. He said that, given how I look, I need to accept I’ll be alone forever, and that wanting a romantic relationship is actually unethical on my part.

I asked what he meant, and he basically said that I’m so unattractive that even imagining me kissing someone made him physically uncomfortable. He suggested that even if I tried to date someone who’s also considered unattractive, it wouldn’t work, because “ugly people don’t want other ugly people,” and that I might actually be the ugliest person in the entire world.

He said I should stop thinking about relationships entirely and just focus on existing quietly. He’s into philosophy and always quotes Nietzsche and the other great thinkers, so now I’m genuinely wondering if he has a point. Maybe I’m being selfish or delusional for wanting love or closeness when I look the way I do.

I know how people react to me, I see the stares, the avoidance, even disgust sometimes. I get that it’s not easy for others to accept me, and I try to be realistic. But is it really wrong for me to want a relationship?