Throw away account

I (22F) have been in a committed relationship with my (21M) boyfriend for five years. Recently, our relationship has entered a difficult and confusing stage. Two weeks ago, my boyfriend revealed that he was considering moving to the Netherlands. Along with this potential move, he admitted that he wasn’t sure if we should stay together or go our separate ways—whether he should go alone or whether we should both relocate together. While I understand that he may want to start a new chapter in his life, and even be willing to accept the pain that may come with that decision, I've been left in a painful state of emotional limbo.

My boyfriend identifies as polyamorous and has been talking to a (19F) from the Netherlands before this conversation about moving even came up. He and this new person have continued to stay in contact, even exchanging TikToks regularly. While he insists they are just friends, the emotional closeness makes me uncomfortable—especially since he's openly contemplated dating this new person once he moves.

When I expressed discomfort about him staying in contact with her while considering breaking up, he didn’t provide reassurance, further compounding my distress.

Despite saying he looked at apartments with both of us in mind, he only searched for studio apartments. When I asked about the practicality of such a space, especially if he planned to date other people, I couldn't shake the feeling that he never truly considered me in his future plans at all.

He's also cited fundamental life differences—such as my supposed desire for children or marriage—as reasons they might not work long-term. Ironically, I clarified that I font want children and even willing to forgo marriage just to stay with him. Additionally, he’s said he doesn’t want to take me away from my support system, a concern I feels is easily addressed given the accessibility of phones and the internet. What’s been especially painful is his hesitancy to make a decision—not because he’s thinking it through, but because his birthday is coming up and he doesn’t want to feel sad. Meanwhile, I have been struggling with deteriorating mental health from the lack of clarity. Even after his birthday, he’s told me he likely won’t give me an answer, leaving me to wait indefinitely for a decision that could fundamentally change my life

Edit: he's a very nice and understanding guy he lets me be a housewife because its hard for me to work he was struggling mentally trying to figure out life and he figured it out and lastly I know he's not useing me he also truly loves me he told me the reason he can't decide is because he knows he can't come back from it and he doesn't want to regret what he chooses I love the advice but I can't read comments talking about how bad he is when he is genuinely the sweetest person you can meet.

How do I talk to him without affecting his decision should I wait?