Long story short: my 7yo daughter played with a 7yo boy and 8yo boy at the playground, playing some sort of roughhousing tag type game apparently and the 7yo "commanded" the 8yo to grab my daughter and hold her in a bear hug. She freaked out, screamed, thrashed, he let her go, and she fell to the ground and got all scraped up. I wanted the kids to talk about it and boundaries afterward but got some flack from the other moms that I was making it out to be a bigger deal than it was.

Longer story: It all happened very fast while I was helping my toddler so I didn't see it. We were headed to dance so I was trying to load her in and calm her down when she explained through tears that they "surrounded and attacked me". Obviously this brought out a bit of my mama bear and I knew where the other moms were sitting so I asked them what happened. They said it happened all the sudden but they'd been playing nicely before, which I believe. I also believe they were probably playing like an intense chase game. But the one mom said my daughter was grabbing other people and when I asked her and the other kids they said she hadn't grabbed them. (Hard to know with kids but I don't see why the other kids would lie).

I know they're all very young, but it's very important to me that my daughter is raised to know that it is never okay for someone to overstep her physical boundaries like that and wanted her to learn to speak up for herself. She also wanted to accept the 8yo apology because she was too upset to do so right after it happened when he apologized. I also want my daughter to know that she shouldn't engage in rough play if she doesn't want to play rough. But more importantly that she knows they never have the right to hurt or scare her even if it started out "fun".

So I asked the moms if we could debrief with the other kids, assuming the other moms might like to be there for the convo and call them over. They seemed bugged but told me where the kids were and that we were welcome to go talk to them and they didn't come with.

So we went over. I let my daughter explain that she was scared when that happened and that she probably can't play that rough in the future. The 8yo apologized again and she thanked him for apologizing. The 7yo sat and wouldn't talk, which is his choice and we respected it.

As we finished up just talking about how it's hard sometimes to know what our boundaries are and other people's boundaries, etc (probably a total of 1-2 minutes) the 8yo's mom came over. We were already done but she goes off on how "we're already over this, so we're moving on. Everyone else moved on after it happened, so we're all done"

Which is fine. Except my daughter obviously wasn't over it, had been hurt, and I asked for their permission to talk it out.

I realize this is probably super weird to most people to do. But I'm a speech language pathologist and literally trained to teach debriefing of negative social interactions from my time in grad school at a preschool for kids with severe social, behavioral and mental issues.

I don't think these little boys are bad or anything. I just really value communicating and going over what happened. Did I overstep? Should I have just talked with my daughter?

Edited to add: this 7yo boy is my daughter's frenemy and he has been playing these type of war style games all year. Ive told her like 15 times that he's not being a good friend when he does mean things just to "play". It's been a problem for other kids at school too, to the extent the principal banned his "team tag" game from the school recess. Part of this team tag is that this 7yo is the leader and commands other people to basically pick on other kids, especially if they're on the other team. But even kids who aren't playing. He calls them "missions". My daughter has had rocks and wood chips thrown at her, a stick castle she was building kicked to the ground, and people "spying" on and laughing at her at recess at school because of this "game" even when she's specifically avoiding playing. And this 7yo is always the instigator and always refuses to apologize because he "didn't do anything" physically. His mom seems to think the behavior will just disappear or something, but this kid has a mean/power hungry streak and I think it's getting worse, not better. I can't wait for the end of the year and I'll be requesting they aren't in the same class.