My brother (M19) and I (F17) have grown up financially struggling our whole lives. Things got even worse in 2024 when our father (M40) stopped working completely. He simply didn’t want to anymore. We knew he had been battling alcoholism and was dealing with a recent separation from our stepmother, so we did what we could cover the rent ourselves.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t keep up, and we lost the house. My brother and I ended up living with friends, saving up and working as much as we coukd handle. Eventually, we made it work, and we recently got our own apartment. It’s something we are extremely proud of. We’ve been working so hard just to have a place to stay, and finally, we have it.

But now… my father has been hanging around the apartment. He parks his van (where he currently lives) right outside and runs extension cords to our place to power his electronics. At first, I honestly didn’t mind. He used our washer, dryer, shower, and in return he helped give us rides to work, cleaned up when he could, and helped out. It felt like a fair exchange, and life moved on.

Fast forward a few weeks after we moved in: my father got arrested on drug charges and spent about two weeks in jail. While he was in there, he got very emotional, promising he would change — that he loved us, would be on time, would help out more, and finally step up as a father. I had so much hope. When he came back, it actually seemed like he meant it. He was kinder, helpful, consistent. For the first time in a long time, I felt real optimism about the future.

And then it all started to fail. It was subtle at first, he stopped knocking before coming in, left beer cans and messes in the kitchen, started taking our groceries (including emptying all the ice out of the freezer to chill his beer), and he began coming in at all hours of the night to use our utilities.

When I brought up my discomfort, he belittled me and said I should be grateful since he gives me rides to work. He lashed out at me in front of my little sister, leaving me standing there in tears.

He’s also started using our apartment for his court-ordered visitations with my half-sister (F5) (his child from his second marriage). I adore her, and I don’t mind her being here, but I wish he had asked first before turning our home into his visitation space. I haven’t said anything, because I know she deserves a real home to visit, not the back of a van.

Even though I’ve tried to talk to him, reminded him this is my safe space too, he doesn’t listen. He just yells, slams doors, storms out, then comes back an hour later acting like nothing happened. It’s exhausting. I feel like I have no control or safety in my own home.

And now, after everything, he’s just ignoring me. In my own home. He won’t look at me. He won’t speak to me. He's acting like I don’t exist.

I don’t know what to do. How do I approach this without destroying what’s left of my family?

More importantly, AITAH?