I (20F) have been together with my boyfriend (21F) for almost three years. For context, before I met my current partner, I used to talk to this other guy and I told him that I’m bisexual. He then responded with something along the lines of “so if I cheat on you, it’s okay for you as long as you like the other girl too?”, and also asked if I’m open-minded with having threesomes with another woman. I immediately ghosted that dude, and it’s been a fear of mine of being with somebody like that ever since. Because of that, I haven’t directly confessed to my current boyfriend my sexuality, I’m afraid that he’ll say something similar. Although I haven’t told him out loud, I can tell that he kinda knows based off my style and vibes. He would often joke around that I probably pull off more girls than him.

I don’t know for other countries, but in where I am, if you acknowledge another woman’s beauty as a woman yourself, people around you would give other meanings to it and would be considered as kinda “flirty”. Unfortunately for me I am that type of person who will tell you that your nails are pretty, or your makeup looks good on you, or even hype you up when I think you look and feel good about yourself — it’s just the way that I am, regardless if I’m straight or bi. I guess that’s not helping my case as it seems like it adds more reason for my partner to think that I might be into girls.

Now, I love my boyfriend. I really do, and I will do everything for him. We openly communicate with each other, and I often tell him that I’ll leave him once that he does something that I don’t like or uncomfortable with which he completely understands. I’m talking things like, being physically abusive, being a pdfile, cheating, stuff like that. And it also includes fetishizing my sexuality, among having certain political beliefs and treatment towards other people.

Recently, we had this conversation where I told him that my coworkers are shocked to know that I have a boyfriend. It started off with laughters as he jokes about how I look like I have a girlfriend instead. Until he makes another comment that he doesn’t mind if I do as long as he can watch. I laughed it off and ignored it, trying to change the topic. But he just went on and on, until this man deadass told me that he always wanted to see me hook up with another girl. I’m not even exaggerating, it’s exactly what he straight up said. He even explained some graphic details on how I am going to do it. I laughed it off because I didn’t know what to say, but I am deeply hurt. I am HEAVILY monogamous. The thought of being with two people at once, just leaves this sinking feeling in my stomach.

And this isn’t even the first time that he told me something like that. Throughout the years of our relationship, he would sometimes make inappropriate remarks like that, especially when I’m hanging out with my girl friends. I even saw a conversation on his group chat with his guy friends (we both have access to each other’s accounts) where they were talking about making my girl best friend join us when we’re having intercourse, because she’s in a long distance relationship and (according to them) she’s probably “lonely”. I don’t know, I’ve probably been turning a blind eye to this issue for years, because he is the love of my life. Despite every mistake and arguments, I still deeply love him. I have morals and I seriously stand by them and he knows that, but I’m not sure if I love him enough to ignore it. It hurts and it feels heavy. I kinda feel betrayed, at the same time blaming myself because maybe I’ve always knew.

If I tell him that I don’t like him saying things like that, I know that he will shut up about it just so that I won’t leave (we already had issues before about him not really changing for the better, just shutting up as a band-aid solution). I really don’t know what to do from here on. When I have always believed I’ll have the courage to dump him for shit that doesn’t sit right with me, I guess it’s easier said than done. There’s also this thought that’s holding me back saying “we’ve already made it this far, it would be a waste to just throw those 3 years away”. At times like this, I guess I kinda believe it too. Which makes me ponder if I’m making a shallow thing turn into a big issue, and ask myself AITAH?