For a little context me and my boyfriend are in our mid 20's and have been together since high-school. I have always tried to make sure we had enough money to survive but I'm tired of being the only one who works. He'll get a job for maybe a few months when I start to show signs I'm ready to leave then I guess when he feels like it's all clear he quits. I pay for EVERYTHING between the both of us, even when he has his own money he complains that he "has" to put it towards the bills. We argue about even the smallest things and it's getting so bad that I have to physically leave before I hit him. I've become somebody that I hate. I feel like he genuinely hates me, like I'm just convienent to have around cause I take care of everything and not because he loves me. He's seen me sobbing in pain coming home from work, has even had to help me bath because of how severe the pain has gotten. He still won't take a stable job so I can find something easier. I take these jobs because I truly love him, but I think he doesn't love me back at least not enough to help me. I've begged and pleaded and I'm just tired of it. If I'm going to work this hard and be in this much pain I'd rather do it completely alone than to keep going like this. I've lost so many friends and family because of this relationship and I feel like I've also lost my self, almost to the point I might as well cut off everyone and start new in some random place never to be seen or heard from again by anyone I know. Side note, He's been through alot of trauma and I'm trying to help so I give him alot of leeway in these situations so I also feel like it's my fault for letting him get away with it. I also have a hard time just relaying my feelings to him without waiting until I just blow up because I can't bite my tongue anymore. I sometimes wonder if maybe it's my fault He's still like this? If maybe he was with someone else he would be on the right track? Maybe if I pushed harder? Or stopped pushing at all? I really do love him, he's funny, he's caring, and most of all he's helped me get used to being in the workforce. He's always there comforting me when I need him. When I'm in too much pain he cooks me food, helps me change clothes, and makes sure I get whatever I need. Also my God this guy is like a genius, he knows a little bit of everything and when he doesn't he tries to learn it the best he can. So some might be able to see why I think maybe it's just me that's holding him back.

Honestly this is more me just doing anonymous vague ranting than anything really, but I would like to know if I'm the AH in this situation.