So I m a 20f my father committed sucide when I was 4 because of his family. The only reason for my existence is a last ditch effort to improve my father's mental health. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict. He even took me to bars with him when I was a toddler and even shot drugs in presence. How did I know he did that because I remember those moments I have adhd and also great memory. My mother is a very dependent person so after his death she was mireable she was in deep depression I am an child so no one was there for me so I started becoming independent I already knew what was going on . As years passed by she started taking her anger out on me cussing me out wishing I was dead and that I didn't existed her life would have been better as she could have easily remarried as a 10 year kid I was really hurt But it became a norm for her to cuss me out. She was not emotionally there for me and only cared about my academic work I was really good but by the time I was 12 I started losing interest in it (maybe because I was really depressed at that time). I was passively suicidal because of what happened with my father I didn't want to kill myself. Now I don't want to have any relationship with her as a mother and daughter I don't know If we even had that. I respect her as a woman but that's it. Am I a*hle for not wanting that relationship with her? Btw she has a big victim complex so If I ever bring up how she treats me she cries in front of her family that I am being disrespectful and then they also start telling me how I'm such a disappointment. I mean it would be necessary to be in contact with her I mean she is also alone I don't want to leave her on her own devices But I don't want to be mentally and emotionally attached with her I m thinking about going abroad to have my personal space